DOGGIE!

This SLAYS me.

English majors: rejoice!

I agree with Hansol. This is hilarious, and must be instituted as "required use" immediately.

Please enjoy. Be sure to refresh to experience all the brilliance that is Defective Yeti.

Small words. Big wisdom.

A Buddha was famous for being able to maintain his serenity. It was said that he could not be provoked. One man decided that this could not be true, and so set out to prove that he could provoke him. Day after day, he teased and taunted and tried to provoke the Buddha to become angry or, at least, annoyed. When the Buddha failed to respond, the man finally said to him, "How can it be that you have not become angry or annoyed with me?"

The Buddha replied, "If someone offered you a gift, and you chose to not accept that gift, to whom would the gift belong?"

"Well," said the man, "the gift would remain the property of the giver."

"Exactly." said the Buddha.

Memo from God

A sweet friend of mine sent me this today, and, though I've seen it before, I still love it. Even when things don't feel simple, we can still be of simple faith when we choose to. Trite? Probably. But a good reminder that God carries our school pictures around in his wallet to show off to all his friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MEMO

To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: GOD
Subject: YOURSELF
Re: LIFE

This is God. Today I will be handling all of your problems for you. I do not need your help. Have a nice day.

I love you.

On moving forward

A song for us girls, just when we need it. We've all needed it. (Emphasis mine.)

Written by Sam Tate, Annie Tate, and Rivers Rutherford
Recorded by Chely Wright

Shut up and drive
You don't know what you're talking about
He's not the one
You ought to know that by now
You've got one of those hearts
That keeps changing your mind
Your heart has a way of making you stay
So shut up and drive

Don't look in the mirror
He might have that look in his eyes
The one thats so strong
It strangles your will to survive
He's mastered the art
Of looking sincere
His eyes have a way of making you stay
Don't look in the mirror

I'm the voice you never listen to
And I had to break your heart to make you see
That he's the one who will be missing you
And you'll only miss the man
That you wanted him to be

Turn the radio on
To drown out the sound of goodbye
Blink back the tears
Show me you've still got your pride
Just get yourself lost
In a sad country song
Those guys that they play
Know just what to say
Turn the radio on.

I'm the voice you never listen to
And I had to break your heart to make you see
That he's the one who will be missing you
And you'll only miss the man
That you wanted him to be

Shut up and drive
Don't look in the mirror
Turn the radio on
Get out of here
Shut up and drive
Shut up and drive
Shut up and drive

Hi, I love you!

ABC Meme, or I'm Not Being Creative Right Now

— Aprons, Y/N? No, no.
— Baking? Sometimes, but not that often.
— Clothesline, Y/N? No!
— Donuts, Ever made them? When I was little, I think my Mom and Dad made them a few times.
— Everyday, One homemaking thing you do everyday? Um, ahhh. I suck as a housekeeper.
— Freezer, Do you have a separate deep freezer? No
— Garbage Disposal, Y/N? Yes
— Handbook, Y/N? I have a handbook I made for my job. Still isn’t enough information!
— Inside or outside? Both, but I'm inside more often.
— Junk Drawer, Where is it? Which one?
— Kitchen, Design and decorating? The chef doesn’t let me hang things on the walls.
— Love, What is your favorite part of homemaking? Decorating.
— Mop, Y/N? Yep. Hardwoods.
— Nylons, Wash by hand or in the washer? Washer, when I don’t rip the crap out of them on the first wearing.
— Oven, Do you use the window or open it to check? Both
— Pizza, What do you put on yours? Pepperoni, sometimes. Mostly black olives and musrooms.
— Quiet, What do you do during the day when you get a quiet moment? Nap! Duh!
— Recipe card box, Y/N? Yes
— Style of house? Downtown duplex built in 1910. Modern colors, antique aesthetic.
— Tablecloths and napkins, Y/N? Yes to both.
— Under the kitchen sink? Cleaning stuff and garbage bags. And the occasional misplaced item.
— Vacuum, How many times a week? Once. At most! Like I said…
— Wash, How many loads do you do a week? Too many.
— X's, Do you keep a list of things to do and cross them off? I just started doing this. Really.
— Yard, Who does what? The landlord does all of it except for the potted plants and stuff.
— ZZZ's, What is your last homemaking task for the day? Depends on the day.

Quote of The Day

By my darling Allie, regarding attending a church service for the goin' out after:

"I was going not with the spirit of God in my heart, but with the spirit of chicken in my belly."

My Day at The Office

I quote to you from Billy Madison:

"Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

No title could accurately sum this up!

It’s no secret that I don’t enjoy the environment of Corporate America. I often say, “I can only act normal for 4-6 hours per day.” This, naturally, would preclude me from working on, say, a software development and support project (which requires the abilities to concentrate for long periods of time AND to behave in a businesslike manner)! How-ever. There are some definite plusses; not the least of which is the ability pay my rent, thus enabling me to live indoors.

One of my very favorite things about working in a large company is the fact that we have fabulously bright people from all over the world working on site. When I first came to the project where I’m working, there were no less than TEN national languages spoken in my team room. This is the type of thing that turns me on! (Language geek.)

Naturally, the variety of languages represented means that everyone’s first language is definitely not English.

In the course of the last few years, I’ve heard some outstanding renditions of English.

I’ve been asked more than one time to

“Please do the needful.”

And my girl Tina (colleague and sister) is regularly asked to

“Please make the spreadsheet updations.”

BY FAR the best rendition of English I’ve ever seen was forwarded to our project yesterday by an extremely bright, very talented, semi/non-English-speaker. The contracted employee responsible for this stunningly fabulous good-bye letter was returning to her home country to take on another project.

People, I am NOT making this up. Enjoy, and by all means, DO NOT DRINK ANYTHING WHILE READING THIS. YOU WILL CHOKE.


Hi All,

Time had been formicating at its own sweet stride till the day came, 31st January 2007, the last day for me in the project. It has been a difficult decision for me to leave but before several factors could have discombobulated me for the same, at present there is an olla podrida of predicates vindicating my adience to poise my personal allegiances along with my professional aspirations.

Time eluded on hotfoot surreptitiously and after a sapidity of almost two years, Jeez!! at last I have to bid adieu to the entire team of [company]. The past two years have been a period of copasetic experience which will never forget. I have truly enjoyed all the experiences and interactions that I have had with many of you. I leave here knowing that I have successfully contributed to [name of project] and other activities here at [company] as well. This sumptuous experience would lead to my consequent coalescing with the other projects in [contractor employer].

Once again thanks a lot to all for their support and cooperation and wishing everybody best in their professional and personal endeavors.

I will be just an email away for those who would like to keep in touch with me; the address is "xxxxxxxxxx@employer.com".