Baa-baa-blacksheep.

I'm such a follower. This is the Google.com thing where you type in "[your name] needs" and then report the top 10 things it turns up.

Here are the "Stacey needs" results!

1. Stacey needs to graduate.
2. Stacey needs an accountant and twelve hours of sleep!
3. Stacey needs more signs.
4. Stacey needs all our prayers (because if she doesn’t finish this tax return the IRS will come after her!)
5. Stacey needs somewhere to live to get away from her parents.
6. Stacey needs help getting her name out there.
7. Stacey needs me to update a file with additional research, to see if there has been any new law since she last looked at this issue two years ago.
8. Stacey needs to be amongst people of her own age and to be stimulated.
9. Stacey needs help with feeding, bathing, dressing and grooming
10. Now, 364 pounds lighter, Stacey needs many surgeries to get rid of the excess skin.

An then, there's the reason I love Garrison Keillor.

"There is almost no marital problem

that can't be helped enormously by

taking off your clothes."

The point of the whole article where he said this is to have more fun, which can sometimes (if not always) be facilitated by spouses gettin' nekkid with one another. I just love how he puts it. A wordsmith with a smartass edge gets my vote every time. Have a great day!

Lookit my favorite!

I tell every one of my VBF's kids, "You're my favorite; don't tell the others." Here's a picture of one of my favorites. Could he BEEEEEE any cuter? Um, no.

EDIT: Oops, I forgot to mention this particular favorite is named Jude. Jude-ster. Mr. Jude. Zhude. Pretty boy. Face.

Letter to a Pastor

Dear Roger,

I’d have loved for this letter to be in my veryownpersonal handwriting, but since it’s two days until the good people assembling this book require its arrival, I’m sending it in email. Just know that my tardiness in response does not reflect my level of respect; I always tended to finish typing papers an hour before they were due. Yes, typing. On a typewriter. It was the 80s, after all.

The years I spent at Campus House, from the second Sunday I arrived until the Sunday I graduated, were years that most closely resembled the first century church for me. I know you’ve heard, “Campus House spoiled me FOREVER” a thousand times. But, everyone who says it truly means it. For me, it was an actual community of believers that lived near one another (in my case, in the other rooms in the Girls' House on First St. and in the original Guys' house on Russell), ate together, prayed together, knew one another’s business, studied together, danced together, and sat on the kitchen floor and laughed together. In fact, you’d have thought there were no sofas in the house if you’d wandered in the front door any random night; we were constantly sitting on the linoleum in front of the fridge, the sink, and in many configurations on the steps leading to the landing and to the front hall. (There really were sofas, of course.)

That community pushed me to grow spiritually, emotionally, and socially. Oh, and sometimes academically, too. But even as much as community helped me grow, the thing that I carry with me the most strongly is some words from a sermon you delivered during my freshman year. You said, “The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is fear. And they cannot live in the same place.”

It’s one of those things that you know is true immediately, but keeps proving its truth over time. At first, it occurs to you that maybe this person you’re dealing with in the workplace isn’t standoffish as much as she’s afraid. “Hmmm, maybe she’s worried I won’t think she’s capable.” So you approach her from a different vantage point, and try work things out. And you do.

Later, you’re able to apply it to your immediate family, “Wow, maybe my brother isn’t just acting rude, maybe he’s hiding a fear.” So you approach him with the idea that maybe you can assuage his fear in some way, and the two of you can become closer eventually. And you do.

And after that, maybe years later, it occurs to you that maybe YOU are the one who is afraid. Maybe you are the one who is displaying anger or bravado when none is warranted. And you think about the truth you’ve been taught. Then you realize that you, yourself, can choose between love and fear.

Choosing a path of love is a discipline developed over time.

Every decision is made from a position of love or from a position of fear. When you have Christ, the source of love, inside your soul, it is actually possible to choose love. Because of the Scripture and how you presented it, I was given the knowledge to begin the path of consciously choosing love when I was only 18. Thank you for being His servant and for loving the students as you did when you delivered that message. That message changed the way I live. It will continue to change me over the course of my lifetime as the Lord strengthens me to choose love every time, even when it hurts.

Thank you.

Brilliant, sparkly, delicious blessings on you and Lana as you both enter a new phase of life!

With love and laughter,
Stacey
Has Been, 1991

Just One of the Dozen Reasons I Adore Anne Lamott

More quiz results. Such a nerd!

Literally! See?

Pure Nerd 78 % Nerd, 30% Geek, 17% Dork

For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd. The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful. Congratulations! Click to take the test.

Why, yes. I am an

English GENIUS.

The test says so. See?

You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 93% Advanced, and 86% Expert! You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

For the test: click here to go to OKCupid.

For the complete answer key, visit the test writer's blog.

Important message from Aunt Tasty: I know NOTHING WHATSOEVER about math that doesn't concern the purchase of shoes or giving the waiter a really fat tip. I felt it only fair to mention this, since I'm being all show-offy and stuff about the Verbal portion of the SAT.

Have a great Tuesday!

Because I'm also a sheep...

My dadness took this test, and so did I. Here are my results. To quote That Todd, "You liberal conservative, you." You'll see that I missed "Centrist" by about half an inch. Max.

You are a Social Liberal (70% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (35% permissive) You are best described as a: Democrat Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Adventures in Culinary Goodness

I've recently consumed the following fabulous items, made for me by That Todd, who is REALLY grand at the chef-ing. OHmydamn. And, yes. I am bragging.

• Italian meats and cheeses, with a soft-cooked egg on tomato-ey focaccia sandwich. Sopressata, prosciutto, capicola (Gabagool!), salami, and olive oil. This was BREAKFAST, people!
• Very cheesy pizza with some of the same meats (leftover from breakfast) and lots of olives and yummy, melty tastiness. Best when consumed with citrus rums-and-coke.
• Blueberry pancakes. With fresh blueberries. DROOL. There's just something inexpressibly lovely about an accomplished culinarian making food for you while you watch, or maybe clean a vegetable or something, but not have to do anything really taxing.
• Mushroom lasagna. Might I just point out that I'd give up a limb for this lasagna? Thankfully, I don't have to give up a limb for it, but I would strongly consider it should it become necessary. Multiple kinds of mushrooms, mushroom cream, fresh mozzarella, smoked Gouda, and general warm goodness. I mean, come on! He made mushroom broth to start the whole thing!
• Leftover mushroom lasagna. Normally, this would not fall under its own category, but it's just that good. Leftover mushroom lasagna for breakfast. How do you top that? You don't.
• Medium rare Asian flank steak slices stacked with crispy wonton wrappers and sesame mayonnaise. Slightly spicy mushrooms, rice, and sesame oil-sauteed green beans. More uncontrollable drooling ensues. Not only was it deeeeelish, it was really pretty, too.

The fun of the weekend also contained a medium-to-small home improvement project, several movies, plenty of cocktails, a nap or two thrown in for good measure, lots and lots of chatting (one of my favorite all-time things), and much laughter. And just how do you top that? YOU DON'T!!!

Thank you for such a delicious long weekend, my sweet friend.

Because I am a total slut for the quiz:

10 years ago I was…
Living in Knoxville, TN in a van down by the river. SWEAR it's true. OK, it was a trailer, but it was horrifying, and it was, in fact, down by the river. The French Broad River. No shit. And, it was on a Bible college campus. I was married to my practice husband, and I was in a constant state of asthmatic stress. I worked at a nuclear power plant in Oak Ridge, TN. That's why my boobs glow in the dark now.

5 years ago I was…
Married one year and 5 months to the Grimace. He had quit his job about 10 weeks prior, and was still apparently attached to the sofa with some sort of mystical adhesive, and saying charming things to me, his worker-bee, such as, "I'm tired of your attitude," and "If we weren't married, this would be over." (I know! I know.)

1 year ago I was…
Celebrating my divorce from the Grimace. I won't be disclosing details of the celebration here.

Yesterday I was…
Working, meeting with my boss for a 1:1 discussion of my job performance (OH how I hate those meetings,) cleaning a house in Avon for $$, shopping for conditioner 'cause I have scary-doll-hair, and getting excited about my trip to see That Todd this weekend.

5 snacks I enjoy the most:

1. Fresh guacamole and chips
2. Popcorn and cheddar cheese
3. Olives
4. Big O brownies
5. Amadillo dip
   

5 songs I know all the words to:

1. Don't Know Why, Norah Jones
2. Video, India.Arie
3. Lyin' Eyes, Eagles
4. Earl, Dixie Chicks
5. I Can't Make You Love Me, Bonnie Raitt

5 things I would do with a billion dollars:

1. Deposit a schload of it into my parents' retirement account
2. Buy homes and retirements for The Fig, The Numbers, My Matt, and That Todd, wherever and whenever they wanted.
3. Deposit a schload of it into my VBF and hubby's account for mortgage payoff, college for the kids, and a vacation home for all of them.
4. Buy apartements in Indianapolis, Chicago, Seattle, and a few cities in Europe. Oh, and a villa in the country in Tuscany.
5. Give it as presents! WHEE!

5 places ideal for running away to:

1. Brazil
2. Italy
3. Portugal
4. anywhere in the Caribbean
5. anywhere with a beach, who am I kidding?

5 items you’ll never see me wear:

1. Long, long hair. That's for girls in their 20s. Those days are over.
2. My natural hair color. I already have grays... might as well color it!
3. Blue eyeshadow.
4. Cheap jewelry.
5. A watch.

5 best TV shows:

1. The West Wing
2. M*A*S*H
3. The Simpsons
4. CSI
5. Law & Order, Criminal Intent

5 biggest joys in life:

1. Sleeping indoors every night.
2. Having a brother.
3. Growing up safe.
4. Music.
5. Taking a chance.

5 favorite toys:

1. All my sparkly magic wands.
2. Colored pens.
3. Calligraphy pens.
4. My talking Edna doll.
5. Is luggage a toy?