Fine. Now I "Must. Copy. Mike."

Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot.

1. Marginal Utility
2. Sara with No H
3. Just Thoughts
4. I Am Prepared to Give Up at Any Time
5. So Much Myself (co-starring the bandwagon.)
   

Next, select five people to tag.

1. Bitchcakes
2. Pears
3. Teena Weena
4. Christel
5. Dadness
   

What were you doing 10 years ago? Let's see, in February 1996, I was living in a van down by the river. Well, okay, a trailer down by the river. A trailer with holes in the floor. In Sevierville, Tennessee. Gah. Thank God that's over.

What were you doing 1 year ago? These are just the sorts of questions I shouldn't answer in public. I was dating a boy so young the Numbers called him "The Fetus." That was short-lived, but terribly fun. Shortly thereafter I met That Todd, which is turning out to be long-lived and WAY more fun (and delightful, and comforting, and kind, and adventurous, all the other stuff I've always hoped for.) Last year at this time was the Numbers Summit!!!!!!! Let's do that again. Tomorrow.

February 2005: Had just started a new job, which turns out was not a very good match. So, I'm leaving the job for something more suited to my abilities. For example, anything not involving computer security systems. Here's to the ultimate luxury: choice.

Five snacks you enjoy:

1. Popcorn and cheddar cheese.
2. Cheese.
3. Poutine!
4. Those nasty oatmeal cream cakes that will probably end up dropping me off in my early grave.
5. Crusty sourdough with real butter.

Five songs you know all the words to:

1. My Girl Wants to Party All The Time, Eddie Murphy
2. Sweet Melissa, Allman Brothers
3. Bamboleo, Gipsy Kings
4. I Can't Make You Love Me, Bonnie Raitt
5. Back Home Again, John Denver

Okay, I was just kidding about My Girl Wants to Party All The Time, but I was serious about the rest of them. I have no specific genre that is my favorite, and I feel free to like GREAT rock and roll, and sappy folk music alike.

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

1. Quit my day job.
2. Buy my brother's house and remodel said house.
3. Invest in a catering company.
4. Buy plane tickets for all the Numbers to Hawaii for a month of vacation.
5. Be debtless.
   

Five bad habits:

1. Making fun of people who badly misuse English.
2. Especially preachers.
3. Overeating.
4. Oversleeping (though, this is mostly purposeful.)
5. Procrastinating.

Five things you enjoy doing:

1. Scrabble.
2. Napping.
3. Buying shoes.
4. Reading.
5. Getting a tan.

Not a sport in the damn bunch, is there.

Five things you would never wear again:

1. Blue eyeliner.
2. Deck shoes.
3. Zip-up moccasins.
4. Long hair.
5. Lee Press-On Nails.
   

Five favorite toys(/games):

1. Scrabble.
2. Crosswords.
3. My car.
4. My cellphone with picture messaging.
5. The silver bullet.
   

Yes, yes. That was horrible.

Must. Copy. Dooce.

Four jobs I’ve had

1. Candy counter sales girl at the movie theater inside Lafayette Square Mall. I think I had this job for 6 weeks before beginning to suffer a nervous episode due to the fact that I had to add and make change without the assistance of a calculator. And while I continue to be just a skosh math-phobic, I certainly have relinquished the majority of my propensity for performance-pressure-induced nervous breakdowns.
2. Sales person at Lane Giant (Lane Bryant.) This was a mostly great job with lots of great customers and colleagues. Only one crazy boss who sincerely asked if I was kissing her ass. “Not for $3.90 an hour I’m not.”
3. Cashier at Walgreens. Even though my practice husband and I could not survive on the income, it was a fun job. GREAT colleagues and many good customers. (Save the ancient screaming crazy man who once shouted, “Get it through your head! These cigarettes are only $1.50! Why don’t you get that you stupid girl?” It was monumentally difficult not to come over the counter and explain, while choking him, that I was a degreed genius.)
4. The one I’m leaving! Not to be a freelance writer or anything, just to get a new job within my current company.

Four movies I can watch over and over

1. The Princess Bride
2. Monty Python and The Holy Grail
3. Amelie
4. Back to the Future

It’s not *that* weird a list, is it?

Four places I have lived

1. Born in Patuxent River, Maryland
2. Learned to love bluegrass in Nashville, Tennessee
3. Remained perpetually tan in Ewa Beach, Hawaii
4. Learned a schload of stuff in West Lafayette, Indiana
   

Four TV shows I love

1. Every single decorating show, ever. Especially “on the cheap” ones.
2. Good Eats
3. Miami Ink
4. Good night nurse! I’m actually going to admit this one: What Not to Wear. GAH!
   

Four places I’ve vacationed

1. Dublin, Ireland
2. The Villages, Florida
3. Maui, Hawaii
4. The Middle of Nowhere, West ByGod Virginia
   

Four of my favorite dishes

1. Mushroom lasagna
2. Sopresatta sandwich
3. Chicken tikka masala
4. Christmas enchiladas
   

Four sites I visit daily

1. Finslippy
2. Zeldafitz
3. Dooce
4. My yahoo mail
   

The first three of which I detest. Normal women “hate” other women because they are slender and gorgeous. I hate women who are brilliant, funnier, and better writers than I.

Four places I would rather be right now

1. Maui.
2. Europe.
3. South America.
4. Algonquin, Illinois.
   

January 29, 1966

There they are. I'm so proud to announce that my parents have been married (to each other, even) for 40 years. The fact that they still love each other is fabulous, but not particularly surprising. They are people of conviction and a certain amount of flexibility. Oh, and the Lord was present, even before they knew it. It's total bonus for my brother and me that they are committed, and is something to be emulated in all friendships and relationships. Love is both a choice and a series of actions; they demonstrate that. The fact that they still LIKE each other is amazing. And great. And appreciated.

Mike and Char, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.

First comes love, then comes marriage,

then comes David and Stacey in a baby carriage.

Or carseat, or whatever.

Mom and Dad, there really are no adequate words to tell you how much your son and I appreciate the fact that you are still married to one another, happily. Let's just use this: Thank you. That, and neither of you is really worse for the wear. You still look fab 40 years later.

And for everyone else's jealousy factor, The Fig and I prepared the following "Mostly Appetizer" 11 course meal for their celebration on Sunday evening:

1. Green olive tapenade and goat cheese on toast points
2. Seafood bisque (with floating puff pastry hearts for romance factor)
3. Baked Brie in puff pastry with almonds and honey
4. Tomato/fresh mozzerella/basil salad
5. Hot bacon wrapped dates with roasted red pepper sauce*
6. Tuna Sashimi with wasabi and soy sauce
7. Chicken liver chestnut mousse on waffles with maple syrup*
8. crayfish pillows (crayfish-filled phyllo dough triangles)*
9. David's famous ribs
10. Marinated and grilled portabellas
11. Blackberry tartlet with vanilla bean ice cream

(*indicates Todd's recipes.)

Beautiful Song

QUIERO CANTAR

Quiero cantar una linda cancion
de un hombre que me transformo.
Quiero cantar una linda cancion
de Aquel que mi vida cambio.

ES MI AMIGO JESUS
ES MI AMIGO JESUS
EL ES DIOS, EL ES REY,
ES AMOR Y VERDAD.
SOLO EN EL ENCONTRE
LA PAZ QUE BUSQUE,
SOLO EN EL ENCONTRE
LA FELICIDAD.

Translated:

I want to sing a beautiful song
of a man who transformed me.
I want to sing a beautiful song
of the one who changed my life.

HE IS MY FRIEND JESUS
IS MY FRIEND JESUS
HE IS GOD, HE IS KING,
HE IS LOVE AND TRUTH.
ONLY IN HIM DO I FIND THE PEACE THAT I LOOK FOR,
ONLY IN HIM DO I FIND HAPPINESS.

Funny. I started this post before work while I was thinking about my brother. He's going to go on a mission trip to Alaska this summer and just getting to the "want to go on a mission trip" phase of his life was so major I can't even think of how to put it here. (Yet.) And, the song above is the first song I learned on the mission field nearly 18 years ago. (Ask me and I'll sing it for ya sometime.)

So I was thinking of this song because last night The Fig and I were talking about when was the trip, how much money he needed for the plane ticket -- $490 -- who else might be going, etc. What's maybe the coolest thing about this trip is that it's to a church that was planted by someone we grew up with. The same someone who gave us the hardest time possible about going on mission trips as teenagers/college students. (Please don't try to tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor.)

It was time to work and I saved off the song lyrics and knew I'd get back to it this evening. When I was home for an hour or so, The Fig came by with something interesting in his pocket. It seems his birthday card from our Auntie had just arrived, as it had been accidentally misdirected when she mailed it in time for his birthday in mid-December. Her dad, our grandpa, has been gone for nearly 10 years, and they both miss him a LOT. The birthday card contained a note that said, "I was talking to Grandpa, and he said to give you this." It was a check for $500.

Hooray it's 2006, Happy Christmas, and Fabu Birthdays to Many!

Let's just say I'm a teensy bit behind in the updating portion of the program. So, allow me to sort of catch up.

Happy birthday to my darling Christelicious, my little pumpernickel. One day soon, you will surely receive your birthday and Christelmas presents that I've been collecting through the year. I adore you more than is allowable by law, and I intend to love you even more in the future. (Though, I'm fairly sure it would cause total molecular breakdown due to its intensity.)

Happy birthday to my dear nephew Jacob. He is now, GASP, a teenager. And is the same age that his mother and I were when we met one another the first time. We didn't become verybestfriends until the next year, but ohmyDAMN do I feel old. Jacob is a wonderfully sharp and absolutely hilarious person, and I'm blessed to have him in my life. There is NOTHING funnier than a 13 year old boy who has the same sense of humor as one's verybestfriend. Trust me on this one. (Just as an example, he once told me that his superhero, named CheeseMan!, was one intimidating dude. And, all of CheeseMan!'s enemies? Well, they're lactose intolerant.)

Happy birthday to my little nephews Jude and Simon. You two are far too adorable and I wish you'd stop that before my heart just bursts open with luuuuuuuuhhhhhhhv! Just kidding. Keep being ridiculously adorable, and I'm looking forward to playing with you both next time I come to see my VBF.

Happy birthday to my brother. There are NO WORDS. You make me proud to be your family.

Happy birthday to my Matt. Really, there are no words here, either. You are one of the best people I've ever known.

Merry, merry Christmas to all of you who come by and read. I appreciate every one of you. (And trust me, if you're lurking, I have NO IDEA who you are or where you are what you're doing reading my blog. But thank you for doing so.) I hope it was a season of hope and happiness for you and your families.

Goodgollymissmolly, it's 2006. (And I'm apparently a rock singer from the 50's.) May it be replete with health, joy, and the abiding knowledge that you are positively a-dored by the creator of the universe. (Who said to tell you hi. Really.)

Look for more-often updates and remember to love yourselves.

Only because I've been given specific instructions to remove the clowns from the top of my blog screen.

Hi kids. I'm sorry to have to say this, but you crack me straight up with the coulrophobia (fear of clowns.) What are they going to do? IN A PICTURE, at that!

However, you are some of my favorite people in the en-tire world, and because of that, I'm going to post something today so the picture of my Dadness and Mark (er, the clowns) travels further down the page. I'm even going to post something that made me laugh at myownself.

During the Survivor season, I watched only a couple of episodes. After the last one aired, I wrote this, but never posted it:

"I’m still working on the essay with the theory that Tolerance is a Crock of Shit, but haven’t quite knocked that one out as of yet. Today’s essay considers bitterness. And I don’t mean the good kind, as found in bars of 80% cocoa; I mean the kind where every time you open your mouth to, more often than not, “prove your point,” I want to forcefully stick my foot down your throat.

For example, take this guy: Judd from Survivor. Normally, this is the physical type of man I would find really, really sexy. Bigger guy, balding, great skin, keeps his (dark) hair cut very short, Italian-looking. (My very smart S.O. even asked me if I thought Judd was hot – he knows me well.) How.ever. Once Judd opens his mouth to talk, I secretly hope that he’ll choke on his own uvula. In this particular case, I’m referring to the moment in the show when he fairly shouts at another contestant to go to confession when she gets home because she’s such a back-stabber. Then, after he opens his yam to spew some snarky, overwrought, overly-dramatic, cutting comment to another game-player, I start to notice his facial expression. During the entire final Tribal Council and the entire reunion show, he looked like he’d licked a dung-covered shoe."

Shortly after I wrote that, I realized I sounded bitter.

I entertain even myself.

Thank God.

Who do these clowns think they are?

Actually, they are Soupy and Mikey. And their alter-egos are Mark and my Dadness.

Soupy and Mikey were the entertainment portion of the program for the bridal shower Mom and I gave my VBF. Bet you didn't have clowns at your bridal shower!

An important part of my upbringing was my veryownfather dressed in a clown suit telling our 2000 member congregation something I'll never forget. "When someone asks you, 'Who told you about Jesus?', you can say "Some clown."

Thanks for the memories.

Word Nerd, the Sequel

Written by The Numbers' Poster Boy, and proudly reprinted here, due partly to the fact that I spewed iced tea through my nose laughing when I read them. Um, no, I didn't ask for permission, but I *AM* giving full credit. (Tex, if you'd like them removed, lemmekneax!)

Top Ten Failed Alternatives to The Proof is in the Pudding:

10. There's an affidavit in the pie.

9. Angelfood cake provides the answers.

8. Clues can be found among the lemon squares.

7. S'mores have their reasons.

6. Cookies will corroborate.

5. There's evidence of fudge.

4. Get the facts from flan.

3. The brownies will testify.

2. Ice cream has the scoop.

1. The Jell-O knows the truth.

How Cool Was Thanksgiving?

Well, I shall tell you. I went to the PNW to see my dear Matthew and laugh my ass off for six straight days, take beautiful walks around the park, drink a lot of coffee, AND eat turkeyanddressing, gummy bears, chocolate, sopresatta sandwich, Japanese tapas, and pumpkin cheesecake. It really, truly does not get a whole lot better. Seriously! (OK, it would have been better if Todd had been there, but other than THAT, it doesn't get better.)

On the list of fabu activities are:

• Thanksgiving dinner at the home of Kelly and Eric. Good food, great people, and love-love-love!
• An overnight trip to Vacouver, BC, Canada to be tourists and hang out with Hansol. Amazing food, great new friend, and GORGEOUS city! A big thank you to Hansol for the hospitality and for introducing me to Poutine. (You devilperson!)
• Lunch at Salumi... a recipe for heart failure, and the most divine pork products that have ever been near my head. Ohmydamn, don't miss this if you're in Seattle.
• Uwajimaya, an amazing "grocery" store. This place had everything you'd ever need to make Sushi, Pho, Pad Thai, and to do your Christmas shopping. I need one of those in downtown Indianapolis.
• Naps.
• Spending six days with one of my all-time favorites in his lovely home.
• Seeing some of my other favorites: Kelly, Cousin Elizabeth, Dar (you rock my world, sister,) Saxon, and Michael. How great is it that I get to have so many awesome people in my world?
• Nature. Yes, nature. See below.

One view from the walks at Seward Park:

Me thinking how cool it would be if Todd were there to see this place!

Just a Whim

Just wanted you to be aware that the Grimace's band name is Just a Whim. My mother speculates that it might just be the spirit of his new marriage.