Thursday, February 1

No title could accurately sum this up!

It’s no secret that I don’t enjoy the environment of Corporate America. I often say, “I can only act normal for 4-6 hours per day.” This, naturally, would preclude me from working on, say, a software development and support project (which requires the abilities to concentrate for long periods of time AND to behave in a businesslike manner)! How-ever. There are some definite plusses; not the least of which is the ability pay my rent, thus enabling me to live indoors.

One of my very favorite things about working in a large company is the fact that we have fabulously bright people from all over the world working on site. When I first came to the project where I’m working, there were no less than TEN national languages spoken in my team room. This is the type of thing that turns me on! (Language geek.)

Naturally, the variety of languages represented means that everyone’s first language is definitely not English.

In the course of the last few years, I’ve heard some outstanding renditions of English.

I’ve been asked more than one time to

“Please do the needful.”

And my girl Tina (colleague and sister) is regularly asked to

“Please make the spreadsheet updations.”

BY FAR the best rendition of English I’ve ever seen was forwarded to our project yesterday by an extremely bright, very talented, semi/non-English-speaker. The contracted employee responsible for this stunningly fabulous good-bye letter was returning to her home country to take on another project.

People, I am NOT making this up. Enjoy, and by all means, DO NOT DRINK ANYTHING WHILE READING THIS. YOU WILL CHOKE.

Hi All,

Time had been formicating at its own sweet stride till the day came, 31st January 2007, the last day for me in the project. It has been a difficult decision for me to leave but before several factors could have discombobulated me for the same, at present there is an olla podrida of predicates vindicating my adience to poise my personal allegiances along with my professional aspirations.

Time eluded on hotfoot surreptitiously and after a sapidity of almost two years, Jeez!! at last I have to bid adieu to the entire team of [company]. The past two years have been a period of copasetic experience which will never forget. I have truly enjoyed all the experiences and interactions that I have had with many of you. I leave here knowing that I have successfully contributed to [name of project] and other activities here at [company] as well. This sumptuous experience would lead to my consequent coalescing with the other projects in [contractor employer].

Once again thanks a lot to all for their support and cooperation and wishing everybody best in their professional and personal endeavors.

I will be just an email away for those who would like to keep in touch with me; the address is "".


Anonymous said...

You warned me, but I choked anyway.

God I hope they just typed it in their native language, and let some really bad software translate it into ENGRISH or what ever you want to call it.

Allie#3ga said...

This sumptuous experience would lead to my consequent coalescing with the other projects in [contractor employer].

seriously, you need to add a warning for those of us with the hanta virus too - cause that can cause some serious hacking up of the right lung.

why the right one?

the left one left my body yesterday.

Beth said...

I nearly wet myself!

zelda1 said...

I have to admit, I choked too. I teach English as a second languge and many times have to bite back laughter. Once, I asked the waiter at a really nice Mexican Restaraunt for some potatoes and he laughed so loud and I asked him was wrong and he said that I had just told him I wanted a male whore, so there you go. Or asking for a hot dog in Spainish is not the same as a hot dog in English. Loved the letter.

Alpha Dude 1.5 said...

Oh my...that is funny!
You just can't make this kind of stuff up.

I hope you don't mind, I surfed my way over here. I'm not sure how I got here, but I'm glad I made it.

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