Friday, June 30

That Birthday Thing for My Mom

OK, so for my mom's 60th birthday, my brother and I did a book of "60 Important Things Char Taught Us" for her. I put up a few slides on May 12 (the big day), but now here are the rest. Not in slide format, just the sentences. Enjoy!

· How to make chocolate chip cookies nutritious by putting wheat germ in the cookie batter.
· How to make extra money and friends by running a macramé business out of part of your son’s bedroom.
· How to pack a lunch for a grade school kid including applesauce and carrot sticks in appropriately-sized Tupperware containers.
· How to direct an unbelievably fun, song-filled, tick-infested summer Girl Scout Day Camp using only your close friends and bits of twine.
· How to make a new house comfortable and homey within approximately four days of moving in.
· How to keep doing that every two years for an entire military career.
· How to make every opportunity a teaching moment… filling up the ice cube trays, for example.
· What it takes to make your kids believe that your family is the most important thing in the world.
· What it’s like to have a mom who respects your dad.
· How to do whatever it takes, regardless of your sex.
· How to be unafraid to take a road trip. A real long one.
· How to avoid spilling your coffee while pulling your child out of the campfire.
· How to make city quail.
· How to be your kids’ mom when they’re young so that you can be their friend once they grow up.
· The proper use of the phrase, “You know what you ought to do…”
· How to star in the prototype of the HGTV designer decorator show, “Design on a Dime.”
· That feet do not belong on the walls.
· How to keep the memories but throw away the yearbooks.
· That it is not necessary to touch the curtains. Like, ever.
· The proper pronunciation of the word “foyer”.
· How to successfully entertain with stale popcorn and flat Coke.
· That Scrabble is a good national pastime and an even better family tradition.
· That it’s a good idea to make new family traditions, like enchiladas on Christmas day.
· That changing the tradition will not always be as well-received as you’d once hoped.
· That there really are very few situations in life that can’t be helped by sufficient applications of laughter.
· That fingers do not belong in the candle wax.
· That food cooked while camping just tastes better.
· How build a fire in a church parking lot, cook a pancake over that fire, and then flip said pancake over a line.
· How to make the most of being a stay-at-home-mom by, among other things, taking young moms and their twins to the doctor’s office.
· That pretty much anything can be accomplished with a focused trip to the fabric store.
· That it is perfectly okay for the dog to live in one room of the house.
· How to hang in there with your kids when they’re breaking your heart.
· How to maintain sanity with a certain degree of patience. And a hell of a lot of prayer.
· Whatever it is that happened so that we’re fairly sure that we’re the only four cool people on the planet.
· The proper use of the phrase, “You know what you ought to do…”
· How to be sure it’s clean behind the sink by looking in the mirror.
· How to refrain from buying stuff that could easily be made for 1/10 the cost.
· The proper use of the phrase, “You know what you ought to do…”
· How to make wallpaper out of a king-sized sheet.
· How to sing “If You’ll Be M-I-N-E Mine, I’ll be T-H-I-N-E Thine,” with gusto, before discovering you’re a tenor.
· How to pull off a major surprise party for your spouse. (Complete with boob-shaped ice cube trays.)
· How to teach a parakeet to say, “David! David!” without even trying.
· The healing power of M*A*S*H.
· The sheer silliness of The Young and The Ridiculous and The Bold and The Bodacious.
· How to manage a household, a Girl Scout troop, a Cub Scout den, a Christmas cookie exchange, a supper club, being a room mother, and countless friendships at one time.
· The art of the timely thank you note.
· The value of remembering everyone with a card or a note for every single important (or even everyday event) in their lives.
· How to train up a child in the way he should go so that when he is older he will not depart from it.
· That right actions always precede right feelings.
· That crying is OK, but that it doesn’t necessarily get you what you’re looking for.
· That you’re probably going to have at least one kid who will leave messages saying, “I was here; come and get me.”
· That it’s perfectly fine to have more Christmas decorations than any dozen people you know.
· That sleeping all day really isn’t the best way to get things done.
· That assigning actions to people, on a committee or in a family, really is a pretty good way to get things done.
· How to talk your child off the proverbial ledge during her freshman year at college. 782 times.
· How to maintain a spiritual commitment, even in the face of nasty politics and the less-than-optimal preaching of the minister of helpful hints.
· How to embody hospitality.
· What the answer to years of prayer can look like.
· How to build a neighborhood using a 4th of July parade, some beer, and a bunch of women’s clothing.
· The proper use of the phrase, “You know what you ought to do…”

Wednesday, June 28

Thanks to Lola and Pandora

I have "discovered" the following artists. Who knew I liked anything other than Jason Mraz??

Go to Pandora and discover new music for yourownself!

Jeffrey Gaines
The Saw Doctors
Amos Lee
Alice Peacock
Tyrone Wells
The New Amsterdams
Dashboard Confessional
Peter Wolf
The Transcenders
Richard Page
Sister Hazel
Train
Brendan Benson
Scott Hinkson
Kalan Porter
Dispatch

I DID bring you a monkey!

my pet!



Monday, June 26

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimon!

JZZZZZZZHUDE!


Lookit my lil' nephew!

Friday, June 23

Trip Down Amnesia Lane

Tina and I are especially fond of the "Perhaps she'll die!" line. We'll let you guess why!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was an old woman who swallowed a fly.
I don't know why she swallowed a fly --
Perhaps she'll die!

There was an old woman who swallowed a spider
That wriggled and wriggled and jiggled inside her
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed a fly --
Perhaps she'll die!

There was an old woman who swallowed a bird--
How absurd to swallow a bird!
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wriggled and wriggled and jiggled inside her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed a fly --
Perhaps she'll die!

There was an old woman who swallowed a cat
Imagine that! She swallowed a cat.
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird--
How absurd to swallow a bird!
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wriggled and wriggled and jiggled inside her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed a fly --
Perhaps she'll die!

There was an old woman who swallowed a dog
Oh, what a hog to swallow a dog!
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat
Imagine that! She swallowed a cat.
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird
How absurd to swallow a bird
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wriggled and wriggled and jiggled inside her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed a fly --
Perhaps she'll die!

There was an old woman who swallowed a goat.
She opened her mouth and it went down her throat.
She swallowed the goat to catch the dog--
Oh, what a hog to swallow a dog!
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat.
Imagine that! She swallowed a cat.
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird--
How absurd to swallow a bird!
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wriggled and wriggled and jiggled inside her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed a fly --
Perhaps she'll die!

There was an old woman who swallowed a cow--
I don't know how she swallowed a cow!
She swallowed a cow to catch the goat.
She opened her mouth and it went down her throat.
She swallowed the goat to catch the dog--
Oh, what a hog to swallow a dog!
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat.
Imagine that! She swallowed a cat.
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird--
How absurd to swallow a bird!
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
That wriggled and wriggled and jiggled inside her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed a fly --
Perhaps she'll die!

There was an old woman who swallowed a horse...
She died, of course!

Wednesday, June 21

Post Number 200 Should be About Language

This is extra-funny because I've been living in the Midwest for over 20 years!

Your Linguistic Profile::
60% General American English
20% Yankee
10% Upper Midwestern
5% Dixie
0% Midwestern

Tuesday, June 20

Latest in Brilliant T-Shirt Design

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That Oprah

"Every day, passion speaks to us through our feelings. That's why when you allow yourself to become anesthetized by what others think, you literally block yourself from living the life you were called to live. I promise you that if you make a choice that doesn't please your mate, your friends, your mother, or whomever, the world will not fall apart. The people who truly love you want you to love yourself. And as you become clearer about who you really are, you'll be better able to decide what is best for you, the first time around."

Oprah Winfrey

Thanks, Kristin for posting that. And the rest of your post today was great, as well!

Saturday, June 17

Band Names and More Famous Quotes

Remember this? It's where we discussed hilarious band names. I found some more today!

Rainbow Intestine
Rigormortis Gang
Shoelace Magician
Afro-Sheen Mania
The Moucous Boys
Dragonbreath
Fishrot on Our Shoes
Leghair Sandwich
Bucket-o-Slop
Shaven Eyebrow
Bamboo Fingernail
Rastafarian Hurricaine
Decaying Membranes
Starvation Plus!
Clammy Hangnail

and (don't read if you're squeamish)

Afterbirth Casserole.

We were SICK teenagers.

And some fabulous quotes from our Junior year of college:

  • "I know that this came from somwhere deep within the sea." --VBF
  • "I love you so much; let's have some coffee." (Referring to the General Foods International Coffee commercials and their stupidity.) -- Fiance of VBF, Steve
  • (Describing a dress one of VBF's sorority sisters had worn to a dance) "It was the kind of green you only see on a float." -- Steve

Thursday, June 15

Love and God

Last Sunday morning, a wonderful ensemble of singers called "One Voice" performed "There Are No Orphans of God" in the service. WOW, I tell you. Wow. I wish I could replicate the beauty of it here, but for now, I just have to go with the lyrics.

I thought it was particularly fitting, as it was Gay Pride weekend in Indianapolis, and the gay people I know and adore have often felt like orphans of God because they had gone unloved by His church.


Orphans of God

Who here among us has not been broken
Who here among us is without guilt or pain
So oft’ abandoned by our transgressions
If such a thing as grace exists
Then grace was made for lives like this

There are no strangers
There are no outcasts
There are no orphans of God
So many fallen, but hallelujah
There are no orphans of God

Come ye unwanted and find affection
Come all ye weary, come and lay down your head
Come ye unworthy, you are my brother
If such a thing as grace exists
Then grace was made for lives like this

O blessed Father, look down upon us
We are Your children, we need Your love
We run before Your throne of mercy
And seek Your face to rise above

 
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