My Very Own Personal Technology Theme

Is "ineptitude."

• I have a luxury (Gramma) automobile with no remote keyless entry. Not because it doesn't exist for the model, but because I haven't ever bothered to buy the thing.
• I have a DVD player sitting on top of my television set. It is not connected to my television, nor do I have anything with which to connect it.
• I have a working television, but no remote. Really. I swear I'm not kidding. (Yes, I know to buy a universal one at Wal-mart.)
• I have a working cellphone and absolutely no idea how to use the call waiting feature.
• I'm lucky I know how to use my alarm clock.
• Everything I know about using the computer has been trial-and-trial-and-error.
  

I'm sure either my friends (or I) will think of other things to add to this list. Let me know when you think of them!

That's all I got for today.

Cheers!

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NOTE: It has come to my attention that this may not be a flattering portrayal of me. I hadn't thought of that! However, I can certainly see where that may have come across. I wish to make this clarification. My "ineptitude" in this case is *entirely* a matter of priorities. Allow me to explain:

• I have a luxury (Gramma) automobile with no remote keyless entry. Not because it doesn't exist for the model, but because I haven't ever bothered to buy the thing. I just don't have the keyless entry because I don't care about having it. I am perfectly capable of unlocking the door.
• I have a DVD player sitting on top of my television set. It is not connected to my television, nor do I have anything with which to connect it. I don't care about DVDs, so I don't really care if it's connected or not. If I get geeked up about watching movies, I'm pretty positive I'll be able to purchase the correct connectors, plug that sucker up, and spin some movies!
• I have a working television, but no remote. Really. I swear I'm not kidding. (Yes, I know to buy a universal one at Wal-mart.) I care less about TV (excepting the West Wing) than I do about movies. Case closed.
• I have a working cellphone and absolutely no idea how to use the call waiting feature. Which, when you think about it is no real tragedy. I mean, answering the call waiting is kinda rude, anyway. (Excepting if it's your parent calling.)
• I'm lucky I know how to use my alarm clock. And, yet, I do. I've proven that with 15 years of work experience. I've not been fired for showing up at noon, yet!
• Everything I know about using the computer has been trial-and-trial-and-error. Which just goes to show what an unbelievably fabulous intuitive learner I am. Hey, I never claimed to be humble.
  

A Question of Hygiene

So, Sunday was a lovely day of napping, phone calls, nail painting, and most importantly, lunch with the Fig (my brother.) The Fig is a fantastically hilarious chap with about 40,000 restaurant connections in Indianapolis, thus making lunch both tasty, and gratis. There's just about nothing the divorced, overly-indebted woman likes more than FREE stuff. Especially when it involves chicken nachos and beer. As Allie says, "I support any food ending in 'and beer'." (She's brilliant, no? Yes.)

So, we're sitting at the bar in Houlihan's right downtown, and enjoying some libations and a ginormous plate of chicken nachos, when I happen to glance over to my right. Behold, to my utter delight, I find an elderly man combing is afro straight up into the air. The afro and the man were pretty grizzled, and the straight-up combing produced a rather Don King-like configuration. I'm not sure what look he was going for, but whatever it was, he missed. (Unless, by my own admission, he was going for The Don King.) The man seemed pretty harmless, and really quite friendly, as he said hello to both me and to the Fig. He also offered a cigarette to the Fig, which I thought particularly neighborly. The Fig, who really was destined to be either a used car salesman or a foreign diplomat (which are actually the same job with different objectives) thanked him kindly and assured him that he had his own cigarettes. Anyway, I've digressed already, and it's only paragraph two.

The only thing that turned me off about the straight-up hair combing was the fact that it took place right at the bar. There are restrooms for that sort of activity. With mirrors and stuff. And no food or beverages anywhere in sight.

Anyway, this brings me to my hygiene thing. Men: I'm probably going to sound like an episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, here, but these important points bear repeating.

• As you may have guessed, combing one's hair is not done in public. No, it isn't.
• Nose hairs: there is no excuse for nose hair. Ever.
• There is, equally, no excuse for dirty fingernails. Ever.
• Addendum to the nails thing: they should also be trimmed very short, but if they're real clean, a bit of nail is totally acceptable.
• Hand lotion, which I'm sure you're familiar with, also has other uses. Please use it on your hands and elbows. (We don't want your sandpaper mitts near us, let alone on us.)
• Hand lotion should be applied to your hands after washing them.
• Wash them frequently.
• Ear hair. What's up with ear hair? One or two ear hairs doesn't scare the average woman, but if you've got a shrub growing out of there, please break out the weedwhacker.
• Finally, your clothes should fit YOU. You're the one wearing them, they should fit your veryownass. Not the ass of your tee-tiny past, or the ass of your linebacker brother.

Oh, yes, I know there are many others. And, and, and I didn't even mention things that I assume (stupidly) go without saying, i.e., daily showering, occasional cologne application, tooth brushing. I know this is a stupid assumption, because even Ver. 1.0, (after he had done so for our entire courtship) had no idea (once we were married) that people were supposed to brush their teeth every day -- preferrably two to three times per day. Ah, good times. Good times.

I haven't personally had any of these problems occur with any males in my regional proximity except for the Don King fellow at Houlihan's. But, apparently I needed to bitch today.

So, any male-type people are now safe to be near me, 'cause the bitch-valve has been released. Thank you, and good night.

The Nine Layers

One of those things I'm posting because I *still* haven't finished any of the three drafts I've got started! So, in the interim, here's something we all stole directly from Madley's blog: Mad's Mad World.

Layer One
name: Stacey Leigh Erickson
birth date: Aug. 2
birthplace: Maryland
current location: Indiana
eye color: Brown
hair color: False Blond
height: 5'7"
righty or lefty: Righty
zodiac sign: Leo

Layer Two
your heritage: Mostly Portuguese and Swedish.
the shoes you wore today: Black slide-on clog-like things.
your weakness: I discover new weaknesses regularly!
your fears: Losing my parents or my brother.
your perfect pizza: Good crust, mushrooms, olives, extra cheese.
goal you'd like to achieve: Writing the Great American Novel.

Layer Three
your most overused phrase on aim: "brb" or "I'm not a hook-up. Go away."
your first waking thoughts: Gotta pee.
your best physical feature: Eyes, eyelashes, rack? Hell, I dunno.
your best character trait: I'm generous.

Layer Four
pepsi or coke: Either. With ice and NO straw.
mcdonald's or burger king: McDonald's
single or group dates: Both!
adidas or nike: New Balance
lipton ice tea or nestea: Neither.
chocolate or vanilla: Both, depending on what we're talking about.
cappuccino or coffee: Both, regularly!

Layer Five
smoke: Ugh, no.
cuss: Hell, yes.
sing: Every damn day!
take a shower everyday: Yup.
do you think you've been in love: Yes.
want to go to college: Done with BA. Now I need a masters.
liked high school: Not all bad.
want to get married: Did that already.
believe in yourself: Hell YES!
get motion sickness: Nope.
think you're attractive: DUR.
think you're a health freak: DUR.
get along with your parent(s): Yup.
like thunderstorms: Yes!!
play an instrument: My vocal chords.

Layer Six
in the past month...
drank alcohol: Tequila Romance, baby.
smoked: Nope.
done a drug: Praise Jesus for Prozac.
made out: Ummm...
gone on a date: MY DAD reads this!
gone to the mall: Does the Dollar General in Shirley, West Virginia count??
eaten an entire box of oreos?: They come in packages, people! Not boxes.
eaten sushi: Nope.
been on stage: Does Redneck Karaoke count???
been dumped: No.
gone skating: No.
made homemade cookies: Yep.
dyed your hair: No.
stolen anything: No.

Layer Seven
ever...
played a game that required removal of clothing: No.
if so, was it mixed company: N/A
been trashed or extremely intoxicated: See above, under "Tequila Romance."
been caught "doing something": Yes.
been called a tease: Yes.
gotten beaten up: No.
shoplifted: No.
changed who you were to fit in: I couldn't ever do it, even when I reeeeeeeeeally wanted to!

Layer Eight
age you hope to be married: 25, 29, and 52. HA!!!!
numbers and names of children: N/A, yet.
describe your dream wedding: My first one. And the one that actually turns into a marriage.
how do you want to die: at age 92 in great health in my sleep on a plane on the way back from Vegas with all my friends
where you want to go to college: Already went to Purdue.
what do you want to be when you grow up: An author.
what country would you most like to visit: Portugual, Spain, Italy, Mozambique, um, all of them?

Layer Nine
number of drugs taken illegally: None.
number of people i could trust with my life: 12
number of cds that i own: 100 or so.
number of piercings: Four in left ear, two in right.
number of tattoos: One!
number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: Three, I think.
number of scars on my body: Countless!
number of things in my past that i regret: Not a damn thing. I'm done wasting time!

Motown, Motown!

Aretha, Marvin, The Temptations, who else could you want? The Four Tops, maybe? How about Stevie Wonder? I got to see and hear them all on Saturday night! It was the best 5 hours I've spent in a club, EVER, and though Ms. Franklin and Mr. Gaye were obviously not really there, it sure seemed like it. There was a live Motown review at a club here in Indianapolis, and Wandaful's friend had a good friend in the show. So we got invited. Eight smacks to see the Temptations? Baby, I'm there.

I absolutely adore good amateur performers. Are you someone with the stones to get up and sing your ass off? My admiration goes to you, my friend. I will cheer you on, I swear! The performers were wonderful. I promise you if you'd closed your eyes, you'd have just barely known the difference between the amateurs and the Motown greats, themselves. I was actually worn out when I got home from cheering and dancing and clapping and laughing myself silly for five hours. One of my favorite parts of the evening is everyone who came by our table to tell us "hi." I guess I should include the part of the story where this club's clientele is pretty much all Americans of African descent. And we were a table full of Anglos. Some of us real blonde, even.

The emcee of the event was having a wonderful time and doing an excellent job telling jokes, introducing acts, and running funny contests like 70's dance, comdey, and acting. And during his second break he just pipes up with "Oh, look, we got some white people in the house. Hi, white people." I don't know when I've laughed so hard in my life. "Hi, white people" is my new favorite greeting. OF ALL TIME. We waved and smiled at the emcee.

The acts kept coming one after another, and pretty soon it's five hours later and I've heard Sexual Healing, Papa Was a Rolling Stone, RESPECT, and Ain't Too Proud to Beg. Brick House made it in there for dancing purposes, as did Play that Funky Music, White Boy. My Girl made it's way into the show, too. The guys who did the Temptations were especially talented, I thought.

I've rarely felt more welcome among folks I didn't know. We made a bunch of friends at neighboring tables and lots of people came over to say "Hi, white people." I need to laugh that hard every day!

Next Motown Review, you can come with me!

10 Questions

James Lipton asks the following ten questions at the end of the TV show Inside the Actor’s Studio. These questions originally came from a French series, “Bouillon de Culture” hosted by Bernard Pivot.

Gimme yours, too!

1. What is your favorite word? Delicious
2. What is your least favorite word? No
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Touch, music, writing
4. What turns you off? Prejudice
5. What is your favorite curse word? Motherfucker
6. What sound or noise do you love? Contented sighs, rain
7. What sound or noise do you hate? Frustrated sighs
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Newspaper editor
9. What profession would you not like to do? Roofer
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Welcome home, girl.

This Seems Apropos

Trusted Guide,
you are my Mentor,
my Inspiration,
my Home of good choices and decisions.

You help me to search with confidence
as I find my way to inner peace.
Please gather your wisdom around me.
Guide me carefully as I make choices
about how to use my energy positively.

Place your discerning touch on my mind
so that I will think clearly.
Place your loving fingers on my heart
so I will be more fully attentive
to what is really of value.
Teach me how to hear your voice,
to be aware of what is in my mind and heart,
to attend to your wisdom in those around me,
to acknowledge my intuitions and ponder my dreams,
to listen to the earth and all of life,
for in each piece of my existence you are guiding me.

Guide of my life,
thank you for all you have given me.
Reveal my spiritual path
and direct me in the living of it.
Lead me to inner peace and oneness with you.

~ prayers to sophia (joyce rupp)

SEE? This is why I resisted.

Because now this blog is calling to me in my sleep. Not only that, but my friends are calling out, "update!" too. I didn't want to get into this! But you dragged me here, SO on the bandwagon, with you.

Thanks. I'm glad you did.

You know what’s hilarious is it makes me FEEL like a writer. Which is odd, because I write for a living. As in, I write stuff, and they give me money for doing it. One might have figured I’d feel like a writer when I got a paycheck for it. But, instead, I feel like a writer because I publish my ramblings a few days a week on a free website. Huh.

In fact, this weekend I asked the guy in the t-shirt store if he had the mug that said “Write on”, and he said that he was sorry “No, we don’t. Are you a writer?”

To which I happily replied, “Yes.” That was fun!

OK, so what’s my point today? I don’t have one. Oh, oh, oh except for this. And it’s real important. Women have only been allowed to vote in this nation since August 26, 1920. That’s only 84 years, ladies and gentlemen. Even if you’re not real excited about either of our major candidates for president (I’m not) please, please vote. We owe it to our grandmothers and to Elizabeth (Cady Stanton) and Susan (B. Anthony) to do so. Hard to believe, but a woman was elected to represent her state in congress before she had the right to vote.

While I’m on this particular portion of the bandwagon, please read American Jezebel by Eve LaPlante. It’s about Anne Hutchinson, who is one of this country’s founders. She’s a founding person -- male, female, or undecided. She was part of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, and was summarily ousted from the colony and excommunicated from her church, for *gasp* teaching *gasp* men and for having a theologically differing opinion (that she could, incidentally, back up with Scripture) than the rest of the ministers in her community. In the 1630s there was literally NO WAY she could have a public voice of any kind. The only way we even have records of her speech is because of the trial, since women were not legal entities in the day of the colonists. The book is the story of her actions and arguments during her three years in Massachusetts.

It was also a good read and very educational. I enjoyed learning about the ability of the puritans to acknowledge spirituality, even in it’s most strict form, as a part of everyday (every MOMENT, really) life. I can’t imagine a world where one discusses the finer points of salvation through works or through faith as a matter of course, rather than as a topic we avoid except with those with whom we’re intimates.

Anyway, happy Monday, and thanks again for sticking with me. This entry wasn’t particularly zippy, but it was still fun to put thoughts on ‘paper’ and share them with YOU!