Today's Ready-Made Blog Entry

With apologies to my father, I bring you this report of a day in my entertaining life.

Normally, I wouldn't give my former spouse any more than a passing thought this far out from the throwing-out-of-myself, but this is just TOO GOOD to pass up. This morning, I received the following email, verbatim, from Grimace (who is engaged to be married):

"boy oh boy did i have a dream last night. If it was half as good for you as it was me. you would still be quaking in your panties. lol Your pretty good in the sack even when your not here. lol anyway just thought i would share, and possibly give you a chuckle. talk to you later. Muah Wayne"

First, OH MY GAWD! What in the ever-loving FUCK is he thinking???

Second, the following replies were offered by two of my favorite women. The first one listed is from Lola.

1) he needs to know that if you are starring in his dreams he now has to pay you royalties. you are no longer required by law to remain in his spank bank without proper compensation. tell him to tally up the cost of the dinner (mcdonald's does NOT count) and movie that would be appropriate predecessors to him getting laid that well and mail the check out today.

2) if he refuses to send the check remind him that you broke his teeny weenie once and you can do it again.

3) after the check clears tell him that he spelled "you're" wrong. twice.

snort.

loving you,
Lo

Do you LOVE this girl, or WHAT????

The second one is offered by my dear Allie.

Dear Grimace,

what a dream i had. i woke up screaming and still shaking some. i dreamed that i actually had to let that wee flaccid one-pumper near me again. but then i woke up - and looked a the stud beside me who gently began complimenting me and saying the most wonderful things and i realized -- i am the luckiest girl in all the world.

thanks for the reminder,
love,
stacey

Can you STAND the creativity?!?!? I love these women!!!!

Then, there's HerrMatt. Whom we adore.

He said,

my first response was: YEAH, in YOUR DREAMS!
my second response was: awww, he is scared and does not how to communicate directly so he mentions this as a way to let you know he thinks about you.
my third response was: heaving into the toilet
my forth response was: how sad
my fifth response was: a happy, peaceful place with this unplanned but celebrated piece of knowledge

A.dore him.

My response to Matt went something as follows:

Most of my personalities went with "heave into the toilet", but the healthiest of my personalities went with "a happy, peaceful place with this unplanned but celebrated piece of knowledge".

WOOT!!! This whole thing reminds me of another story that can now be told! Stay tuned for more of the Grimace Files.