Giant Buckets of Poo

Some things are meant to be. Divorce is not one of those things. Personally, I can recommend not having one, since I've had TWO. Sometimes, they are oh.so.necessary.

For those of you suffering the pain of this massive crap-cake, know that I adore you and that it is totally surmountable. Also for those of you who are suffering, know that you WILL STOP SUFFERING sooner than you think. The creator is completely able to heal up your heart and send you out to do beautiful things.

Know that you are loved from every corner of the universe and that giant buckets of crap will not be your constant companion.

Fun With Blogthings

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

New Band

Many people at my work are confused as to the eternal importance of programming. They think it matters. They all play in a band called "Laboring Under Unfortunate Illusions" and this is their logo:

Stolen from Others

The words in this post came from this link is on Dooce's front page. They made me laugh more than anything I personally wrote this morning, so, we'll just paste them here, shall we? Good idea.

THE 27 WORST FAMILY FEUD ANSWERS EVER
compiled by Tom Elia

I've always been fascinated by groups of five people who try to guess what 100 randomly selected people have said for a chance to win $10,000, which they'll split between themselves before splitting it again with the government. Which will leave each of them with about $32.87 for their troubles.

I've also been fascinated by how one of those five people will crack under the pressure and cost everyone else on their team a chance to walk away with $32.87.

As a result, I've polled 100 people to find the best "worst" answers ever given on Family Feud. The top 27 answers are on the board.

Question: Name a former President that most people would say is honest.
#1 Answer: Lincoln
Worst Answers: Nixon

Question: Besides San Francisco, name a city that begins with the word San.
#1 Answer: San Diego
Worst Answer: Seattle

Question: Name a slang term used for important people.
#1 Answer: V.I.P.
Worst Answer: Buddy

Question: Name something packrats have a hard time throwing out.
#1 Answer: Photos
Worst Answer: Corn

Question: Name something that might annoy a gardener.
#1 Answer: Bugs
Worst Answer: Not getting paid on time

Question: Name a reason a man might send his wife flowers.
#1 Answer: Anniversary
Worst Answer: Happy divorce

Question: Name a term used in football.
#1 Answer: Touchdown
Worst Answer: Fastbreak

Question: Name a special request people ask for when making a dinner reservation.
#1 Answer: Non-smoking
Worst Answer: A menu

Question: Name someone you wouldn't want to get a phone call from.
#1 Answer: The police
Worst Answer: Your son

Question: Name a classical music composer everyone knows.
#1 Answer: Mozart
Worst Answer: Julio Inglesias

Question: Tell me something specific you should drink a lot of when you're sick.
#1 Answer: Water
Worst Answer: Alcohol

Question: Name something you'd hate to find at the end of your nose.
#1 Answer: Pimple
Worst Answers: Lint

Question: Name the worst kind of shoe to run a marathon in.
#1 Answer: High heels
Worst Answer: Scuba flippers
Louie Anderson's Response: If it's up there... I'll be suprised.

Question: Name something a person wouldn't want living in their house.
#1 Answer: Relatives
Worst Answer: Mold

Question: Name a musician who goes by one name.
#1 Answer: Madonna
Worst Answer: Reba McIntyre
Louie Anderson's Response: Show me the strike.

Question: Name something you'd buy for more than a thousand dollars.
#1 Answer: House
Worst Answer: Pleasure equipment
Louie Anderson's Response: I'm afraid to ask what that means.

Question: Name something you think would be difficult about being a waiter.
#1 Answer: Taking orders
Worst Answer: Falling down

Question: Name something a woman would find in her boyfriend's apartment that would make her think he was cheating.
#1 Answer: Bra
Worst Answer: Used condom

Question: Name something a teenage boy can do for hours at a time.
#1 Answer: Video games
Worst Answer: Masturbate
Louie Anderson's Response: I knew somebody would say it.

Question: Name a unit of currency used in a country other than the US.
#1 Answer: Peso
Worst Answer: Ampere

Question: Name a reason why a woman might not want to kiss her boyfriend.
#1 Answer: Bad breath
Worst Answers: She doesn't love him that much

Question: Name something you do in front of your husband that you probably never did when you were dating.
#1 Answer: Undress
Worst Answer: Make out
Louie Anderson's Response: With somebody else?

Question: Name a complaint you might have about the pizza that was just delivered.
#1 Answer: It's cold
Worst Answers: It went to the wrong address
Louie Anderson's Response: And you just happened to be there.

Question: Name an animal many people are scared of.
#1 Answer: Snake
Worst Answer: Boar
Louie Anderson's Response: It's terrifying.

Question: Name something you need to play Scrabble.
#1 Answer: Letters
Worst Answer: Dice
Louie Anderson's Response: Where did you learn to play Scrabble?

Question: Name the age when a man might start to lose a lot of hair.
#1 Answer: 30
Worst Answer: 14

Question: Name the best month to schedule a wedding.
#1 Answer: June
Worst Answer: Summer

FABU Fourth, my Friends.

In case you were wondering, this is how you do it:

With the love of your life, drive up to your VBF’s house in beautiful rural area of Indiana. Pile out of the car, hug everyone in sight. Commence chatting, brokering fireworks purchases, watching ZILLIONS of fireflies, igniting fireworks, making caramel and chocolate sauces, watching animated movies, eating “entirely adequate” Mexican food, and kissing/chasing/hugging/taking pictures of babies. Read all kinds of interesting things your VBF has written and contributed to. Talk with her about your favorite memories, fears, and hopes for the next phase of your life. Listen with delight when she tells you how awesome her husband is. Smile constantly for the next 24 hours when you hear the very sage, and completely accurate advice she gave the loveofyourlife about thriving in an Erickson-Dominated environment. Wish for the thousandth time that you lived next door to her and awesome husband and delightful children.

And, these, my friends, are just the bare outlines. I also got to catch up with other dear friends on the phone, sleep well, swim, get some sun, get kissed, and have a little bit of peace.

It rarely gets any better.

Below, see pictures of my littler nephews, Simon who put himself in a cubby in the kitchen and Jude who we tried really hard to pack in a grocery bag to take home!

Quizlet, Version 7

Name:
Stacey/Tasty

Birthday:
August 2

Birthplace:
Pax River, MD

Current Location:
Indianapolis, IN

Eye Color:
Only brown.

Hair Color:
Ferria, Espresso

Height:
5'7"

Right Handed or Left Handed:
Right

Your Heritage:
Portuguese and Swedish

The Shoes You Wore Today:
Flip Flops

Your Weakness:
dark chocolate, ice cream, most foods

Your Fears:
screwing it up, again.

Your Perfect Pizza:
mushrooms, olives, extra cheese

Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:
go on vacation ( ditto Mary, Allie.)

Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:
n/a

Thoughts First Waking Up:
must.pee.now.

Your Best Physical Feature:
porn-star eyelashes

Your Bedtime:
whenever i wanna

Your Most Missed Memory:
goofing off/not working

Pepsi or Coke:
Coke

McDonalds or Burger King:
Neither.

Single or Group Dates:
single

Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:
I don't drink fake tea -- me either, Al.

Chocolate or Vanilla:
Both, please

Cappuccino or Coffee:
either as long as it's not fake

Do you Smoke:
no

Do you Swear:
fuck yeah

Do you Sing:
yes

Do you Shower Daily:
yes

Have you Been in Love:
yes

Do you want to go to College:
did it.

Do you want to get Married:
obviously wanted to at some point. i've done it twice.

Do you belive in yourself:
98% of the time.

Do you get Motion Sickness:
nope

Do you think you are Attractive:
yes.

Are you a Health Freak:
no.

Do you get along with your Parents:
yup.

Do you like Thunderstorms:
yes

Do you play an Instrument:
no, sadly

In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:
yes

In the past month have you Smoked:
nope

In the past month have you been on Drugs:
just presciptions

In the past month have you gone on a Date:
yeah

In the past month have you gone to a Mall:
yeah

In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:
no

In the past month have you eaten Sushi:
yes

In the past month have you been on Stage:
no

In the past month have you been Dumped:
no

In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:
no

In the past month have you Stolen Anything:
no

Ever been Drunk:
of course not!!!

Ever been called a Tease:
surprisingly, yes.

Ever been Beaten up:
no

Ever Shoplifted:
no

How do you want to Die:
At age 94, after arriving home from a trip to Paris with my girls.

What do you want to be when you Grow Up:
Like I know this. I am pretty sure I need to be a speaker.

What country would you most like to Visit:
Italy

In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:
depends on who the eyes belong to

Favourite Hair Color:
dark

Short or Long Hair:
short

Height:
i like tall, but just taller than me is enough

Weight:
i like big guys

Best Clothing Style:
clean and comfy

Number of Drugs I have taken:
1

Number of CDs I own:
too many

Number of Piercings:
4 in left ear, 3 in right

Number of Tattoos:
2

Number of things in my Past I Regret:
two or three

That Birthday Thing for My Mom

OK, so for my mom's 60th birthday, my brother and I did a book of "60 Important Things Char Taught Us" for her. I put up a few slides on May 12 (the big day), but now here are the rest. Not in slide format, just the sentences. Enjoy!

· How to make chocolate chip cookies nutritious by putting wheat germ in the cookie batter.
· How to make extra money and friends by running a macramé business out of part of your son’s bedroom.
· How to pack a lunch for a grade school kid including applesauce and carrot sticks in appropriately-sized Tupperware containers.
· How to direct an unbelievably fun, song-filled, tick-infested summer Girl Scout Day Camp using only your close friends and bits of twine.
· How to make a new house comfortable and homey within approximately four days of moving in.
· How to keep doing that every two years for an entire military career.
· How to make every opportunity a teaching moment… filling up the ice cube trays, for example.
· What it takes to make your kids believe that your family is the most important thing in the world.
· What it’s like to have a mom who respects your dad.
· How to do whatever it takes, regardless of your sex.
· How to be unafraid to take a road trip. A real long one.
· How to avoid spilling your coffee while pulling your child out of the campfire.
· How to make city quail.
· How to be your kids’ mom when they’re young so that you can be their friend once they grow up.
· The proper use of the phrase, “You know what you ought to do…”
· How to star in the prototype of the HGTV designer decorator show, “Design on a Dime.”
· That feet do not belong on the walls.
· How to keep the memories but throw away the yearbooks.
· That it is not necessary to touch the curtains. Like, ever.
· The proper pronunciation of the word “foyer”.
· How to successfully entertain with stale popcorn and flat Coke.
· That Scrabble is a good national pastime and an even better family tradition.
· That it’s a good idea to make new family traditions, like enchiladas on Christmas day.
· That changing the tradition will not always be as well-received as you’d once hoped.
· That there really are very few situations in life that can’t be helped by sufficient applications of laughter.
· That fingers do not belong in the candle wax.
· That food cooked while camping just tastes better.
· How build a fire in a church parking lot, cook a pancake over that fire, and then flip said pancake over a line.
· How to make the most of being a stay-at-home-mom by, among other things, taking young moms and their twins to the doctor’s office.
· That pretty much anything can be accomplished with a focused trip to the fabric store.
· That it is perfectly okay for the dog to live in one room of the house.
· How to hang in there with your kids when they’re breaking your heart.
· How to maintain sanity with a certain degree of patience. And a hell of a lot of prayer.
· Whatever it is that happened so that we’re fairly sure that we’re the only four cool people on the planet.
· The proper use of the phrase, “You know what you ought to do…”
· How to be sure it’s clean behind the sink by looking in the mirror.
· How to refrain from buying stuff that could easily be made for 1/10 the cost.
· The proper use of the phrase, “You know what you ought to do…”
· How to make wallpaper out of a king-sized sheet.
· How to sing “If You’ll Be M-I-N-E Mine, I’ll be T-H-I-N-E Thine,” with gusto, before discovering you’re a tenor.
· How to pull off a major surprise party for your spouse. (Complete with boob-shaped ice cube trays.)
· How to teach a parakeet to say, “David! David!” without even trying.
· The healing power of M*A*S*H.
· The sheer silliness of The Young and The Ridiculous and The Bold and The Bodacious.
· How to manage a household, a Girl Scout troop, a Cub Scout den, a Christmas cookie exchange, a supper club, being a room mother, and countless friendships at one time.
· The art of the timely thank you note.
· The value of remembering everyone with a card or a note for every single important (or even everyday event) in their lives.
· How to train up a child in the way he should go so that when he is older he will not depart from it.
· That right actions always precede right feelings.
· That crying is OK, but that it doesn’t necessarily get you what you’re looking for.
· That you’re probably going to have at least one kid who will leave messages saying, “I was here; come and get me.”
· That it’s perfectly fine to have more Christmas decorations than any dozen people you know.
· That sleeping all day really isn’t the best way to get things done.
· That assigning actions to people, on a committee or in a family, really is a pretty good way to get things done.
· How to talk your child off the proverbial ledge during her freshman year at college. 782 times.
· How to maintain a spiritual commitment, even in the face of nasty politics and the less-than-optimal preaching of the minister of helpful hints.
· How to embody hospitality.
· What the answer to years of prayer can look like.
· How to build a neighborhood using a 4th of July parade, some beer, and a bunch of women’s clothing.
· The proper use of the phrase, “You know what you ought to do…”

Thanks to Lola and Pandora

I have "discovered" the following artists. Who knew I liked anything other than Jason Mraz??

Go to Pandora and discover new music for yourownself!

Jeffrey Gaines
The Saw Doctors
Amos Lee
Alice Peacock
Tyrone Wells
The New Amsterdams
Dashboard Confessional
Peter Wolf
The Transcenders
Richard Page
Sister Hazel
Train
Brendan Benson
Scott Hinkson
Kalan Porter
Dispatch

I DID bring you a monkey!

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimon!