Have you seen the latest Vicky's TV commercial? It's for a gorgeous, satiny bra that any girly-girl-type woman would love to wear. It's for something called "Body by Victoria Shaping Demi" and the tagline is "All You See Are Curves." Curves, hey cool! We like those! So in the commercial there's a very lovely woman, vogueing about in her midnight blue demi bra with matching panty. Very sleek, very sexy, very attractive. Whew, the girl is rippin' hot! Loooong legs, and obviously quite tall (lil' nod to HRT.)
If you've seen this commercial, you know what our problem with this is, right? I mean, any idiot can see that if they wanted to be the tee-tiniest bit honest they'd say "All You See Are Angles." GOOD NIGHT NURSE, but that model is skinny. (Not, as mentioned, that there's anything *wrong* with that.) I can't help but guess by "curves" they mean something other than the curve we see of her friggin' RIBS when she rolls over seductively. OW. Her clavicles, her elbows, her knees, her ankles. We're talking about a 89.8% chance of ocular injury if we stand too close to the television!
We have only a couple of problems with Vicky's, and they can both be remedied. I offer the following solutions:
- First, Victoria's Secret isn't really a secret: She's a slut. Just be honest, we don't mind that she is! We rather love the exciting underwear.
- Second, make the model eat a sandwich. With mayonnaise. And bacon. Sheesh.