Thursday, October 7

Victoria's Secret

Have you seen the latest Vicky's TV commercial? It's for a gorgeous, satiny bra that any girly-girl-type woman would love to wear. It's for something called "Body by Victoria Shaping Demi" and the tagline is "All You See Are Curves." Curves, hey cool! We like those! So in the commercial there's a very lovely woman, vogueing about in her midnight blue demi bra with matching panty. Very sleek, very sexy, very attractive. Whew, the girl is rippin' hot! Loooong legs, and obviously quite tall (lil' nod to HRT.)

If you've seen this commercial, you know what our problem with this is, right? I mean, any idiot can see that if they wanted to be the tee-tiniest bit honest they'd say "All You See Are Angles." GOOD NIGHT NURSE, but that model is skinny. (Not, as mentioned, that there's anything *wrong* with that.) I can't help but guess by "curves" they mean something other than the curve we see of her friggin' RIBS when she rolls over seductively. OW. Her clavicles, her elbows, her knees, her ankles. We're talking about a 89.8% chance of ocular injury if we stand too close to the television!

We have only a couple of problems with Vicky's, and they can both be remedied. I offer the following solutions:

  • First, Victoria's Secret isn't really a secret: She's a slut. Just be honest, we don't mind that she is! We rather love the exciting underwear.
  • Second, make the model eat a sandwich. With mayonnaise. And bacon. Sheesh.


MamaChef said...


Kiwi :)

MajorMike said...

A double helping of mayo. Guys who have fantasies about having sex with one of these babes are in for serious knife-like injuries.

allie said...

double pork. double cheese, extra mayo. DAMN, now i'm hungry and i want a pretty new bra! love you bunches.

Smashlee said...

Here's the problem I have with Vicky.....She is not profitting from my money, whatsoever, because she only wants to sell to skinny bitches. Ahem, big girls need bolder-holders too!
And while we are on the subject, why does everyone think that us Big Girls have Big Girls. It is next to impossible for me to find a bra that will go around me that I couldn't fit a small village from Africa in along with my little girls. I'm not tiny, but damn, according to all the underwear makers, just because I have some girth, I should also carry 2 watermelons on my chest.
Hate to disappoint, but...

Ok, rant over.

christ*el #3tx said...

you are one of the funniest people i have the pleasure to know. "vicky is a slut" OMG i cried when i read that.

allie said...

so mike knows he's our favorite now right?

Joann said...

Victoria was a man. Well, the co. was owned by a man at first. He sold the company and took a dive off the Golden Gate Bridge. Don't you wonder?

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