Friday, May 12

Quotes from the Asylum

Since I've been on this ginormous information technology project at work, I've collected some quotes. I share them with you now. NB: Each line is a new quote and will not have anything to do with the one before it. Oh! I almost forgot, I have a few quotes in here from friends who are simply cleverashell and are not part of my work crowd.

Just because you're late doesn't mean I'm ready.

I'm talking out of the side of my neck.

They want it to happen automagically. I'm going to need them to help with the magic part.

Harrass where appropriate.

Escalation is like sunshire here.

The party doesn't end.

It's right up there in the OHMYGAWD stages.

It's worse than "find the needle." It's "put the hay back in order."

It was nothing if not at the UNIX level.

Too many users; too much access.

I can walk off the plan and catch on FIRE. It don't mattah! (Regarding going on vacation.)

Get to crackin!

Put that Blue Hat clear down over your ears! (Regarding wearing the "analytical hat" the job requries.)

Dude's making like a thousand dollars an hour. (Regarding consultants.)

You're gonna have to Hog On. (She meant "Log On.")

If you'd like to look at all the old virgins... (She meant "versions".)

You obviously have the visual version of my auditory problem.

I was going to be nice; then I remembered I didn't like her.

We've been people-watching lately. Well, because it's free.

I looked like a Bajoran. (Regarding an eyebrow-waxing accident.)

There's going to be a body in the stairwell! (Regarding a new supervisor.)

His boat has taken on a lot of water.

There you go ma'am. There's your side of beef.

(Regarding work) That's the first time I've told anybody "no" in 6 1/2 years. That felt pretty good!

It's never good when you see Insanity coming down the conveyor belt.

This job sure makes me want some tequila.

James Joyce is like fruitcake: dense and epic.

So, I had the dog's knees removed while I was in Paris.

(In response to some instructions I'd written... I meant "Click the FIND button". I wrote "Lick the FIND button.") Uh, Stacey, I'm not sure how to proceed, here.

We push a rock up a hill just so it can sit up there next to the other rocks.

Sadly, that last quote defines our business practices! GAH! What good stuff have you heard lately? And, do you walk around with a little pad of paper and a pen writing down what people say, too? Or is that just my own personal hobby?


CHampagnelady59 said...

Oy with the poodles already.....

Allie#3ga said...

I was going to be nice; then I remembered I didn't like her.

this one is my current favorite.

it sounds an awful lot like me!

Anonymous said...

one of my favorite things about you...the fact that you recognize and record these tidbits. if i recall, you have been collecting these since the 80's.


Tasty said...

Yep. Since the first time we went abroad: 1988.

MajorMike said...

"Please pass me that piano." --the reason I took up guitar instead.

Mike said...

My favorite here is: It's worse than "find the needle." It's "put the hay back in order."

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