Tuesday, May 23

The sort of thing that makes me laugh:

I'm not sure of the veracity of the story, but it makes me laugh. So, here. Enjoy.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and pilots then review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots (P) and the solutions recorded (M) by maintenance engineers. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
M: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
M: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
M: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
M: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
M: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
M: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
M: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode .

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
M: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
M: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
M: Cat installed.

And the best for last:

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
M: Took hammer away from midget.


Beth said...

Thanks for the laugh-out-loud today. Each day should have at least one of those, don'tcha think?

Tasty said...

Really, I think each day should have about 40 of them. Minimum. :-)

Little Pink Purses said...

Making me SNORT.at.work. when you're not around to hear it is WRONG!!!

MajorMike said...

Sending this to Jay Hoppe who will fall out.
Love, Dadness

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