OK, so for my mom's 60th birthday, my brother and I did a book of "60 Important Things Char Taught Us" for her. I put up a few slides on May 12 (the big day), but now here are the rest. Not in slide format, just the sentences. Enjoy!
· How to make chocolate chip cookies nutritious by putting wheat germ in the cookie batter.
· How to make extra money and friends by running a macramé business out of part of your son’s bedroom.
· How to pack a lunch for a grade school kid including applesauce and carrot sticks in appropriately-sized Tupperware containers.
· How to direct an unbelievably fun, song-filled, tick-infested summer Girl Scout Day Camp using only your close friends and bits of twine.
· How to make a new house comfortable and homey within approximately four days of moving in.
· How to keep doing that every two years for an entire military career.
· How to make every opportunity a teaching moment… filling up the ice cube trays, for example.
· What it takes to make your kids believe that your family is the most important thing in the world.
· What it’s like to have a mom who respects your dad.
· How to do whatever it takes, regardless of your sex.
· How to be unafraid to take a road trip. A real long one.
· How to avoid spilling your coffee while pulling your child out of the campfire.
· How to make city quail.
· How to be your kids’ mom when they’re young so that you can be their friend once they grow up.
· The proper use of the phrase, “You know what you ought to do…”
· How to star in the prototype of the HGTV designer decorator show, “Design on a Dime.”
· That feet do not belong on the walls.
· How to keep the memories but throw away the yearbooks.
· That it is not necessary to touch the curtains. Like, ever.
· The proper pronunciation of the word “foyer”.
· How to successfully entertain with stale popcorn and flat Coke.
· That Scrabble is a good national pastime and an even better family tradition.
· That it’s a good idea to make new family traditions, like enchiladas on Christmas day.
· That changing the tradition will not always be as well-received as you’d once hoped.
· That there really are very few situations in life that can’t be helped by sufficient applications of laughter.
· That fingers do not belong in the candle wax.
· That food cooked while camping just tastes better.
· How build a fire in a church parking lot, cook a pancake over that fire, and then flip said pancake over a line.
· How to make the most of being a stay-at-home-mom by, among other things, taking young moms and their twins to the doctor’s office.
· That pretty much anything can be accomplished with a focused trip to the fabric store.
· That it is perfectly okay for the dog to live in one room of the house.
· How to hang in there with your kids when they’re breaking your heart.
· How to maintain sanity with a certain degree of patience. And a hell of a lot of prayer.
· Whatever it is that happened so that we’re fairly sure that we’re the only four cool people on the planet.
· The proper use of the phrase, “You know what you ought to do…”
· How to be sure it’s clean behind the sink by looking in the mirror.
· How to refrain from buying stuff that could easily be made for 1/10 the cost.
· The proper use of the phrase, “You know what you ought to do…”
· How to make wallpaper out of a king-sized sheet.
· How to sing “If You’ll Be M-I-N-E Mine, I’ll be T-H-I-N-E Thine,” with gusto, before discovering you’re a tenor.
· How to pull off a major surprise party for your spouse. (Complete with boob-shaped ice cube trays.)
· How to teach a parakeet to say, “David! David!” without even trying.
· The healing power of M*A*S*H.
· The sheer silliness of The Young and The Ridiculous and The Bold and The Bodacious.
· How to manage a household, a Girl Scout troop, a Cub Scout den, a Christmas cookie exchange, a supper club, being a room mother, and countless friendships at one time.
· The art of the timely thank you note.
· The value of remembering everyone with a card or a note for every single important (or even everyday event) in their lives.
· How to train up a child in the way he should go so that when he is older he will not depart from it.
· That right actions always precede right feelings.
· That crying is OK, but that it doesn’t necessarily get you what you’re looking for.
· That you’re probably going to have at least one kid who will leave messages saying, “I was here; come and get me.”
· That it’s perfectly fine to have more Christmas decorations than any dozen people you know.
· That sleeping all day really isn’t the best way to get things done.
· That assigning actions to people, on a committee or in a family, really is a pretty good way to get things done.
· How to talk your child off the proverbial ledge during her freshman year at college. 782 times.
· How to maintain a spiritual commitment, even in the face of nasty politics and the less-than-optimal preaching of the minister of helpful hints.
· How to embody hospitality.
· What the answer to years of prayer can look like.
· How to build a neighborhood using a 4th of July parade, some beer, and a bunch of women’s clothing.
· The proper use of the phrase, “You know what you ought to do…”
