Thursday, September 9

Horoscopes and Related Mystical Information

I read my in-depth horoscope today, sent to me by a woman I respect who puts some stock in these things, and it was FRIGHTENINGLY accurate. I don't mean, "You're going to fall in love" accurate, bullshit, whatever. I mean, "You're going to have a romantic interlude on or within two days of Sept 21." And I happen to know that is going to happen. Starting on the 19th. Just one example, and the one I'm excited about -- loving a good make-out session as I am wont do.

If you don't know, I've just released my former spouse back into the wild, you know, where he belongs, and am experiencing all the associated self-doubt, etc. that comes with divorce and major life change. Wait, this paragraph is actually related to the first one.

So, I keep expecting to read the following about Leo girls... me, in particular:

"Run away from Leo, she is thoroughly unable to maintain a long-term relationship. She'll get bored with your stupid ass, or you'll piss her off and she'll never, ever forgive you. She expects a LOT of you, and you're too damn lazy to give it to her. Go now, save yourselves the anguish."

Even when I'm a little forlorn, I'm hilarious! (And really modest.)

12 comments:

allie said...

not FORLORN! oh no!! and hilarious with a great rack, kickin hair ... and you get to listen to me have sex tonight - that's gotta be good for something!

Tasty said...

OH.WAIT.

The woman who started this whole thing responds in this manner. And this is why we LOVE her:

Let's turn that around to where it should be, OK?

Maybe it should read: "Leos are FABULOUS at maintaining relationships, even single-handedly holding a marriage together with nothing but squeegees and macrame potholders when their lazy ass husbands wouldn't move one centimeter to squash a bug. If they could mash your mouth together into the proper shape to form words, so as to save you the effort of speaking, they'd do it cheerfully and with great style, while polishing their tiaras and cooking a gourmet meal for their fourteen homeless friends. All she expects in return is adoration in copious quantities, preferably in the form of love notes wrapped around boxes of chocolates. High-maintenance? NEVER! We prefer to call it "reasonable effort."

M'Ary* said...

As a fellow Leo, I have to agree with everything you just said. Leos KICK ASS!

I like to think of it less as "demanding utter worship and absolute devotion," and more as "expecting reasonable appreciation for my complete and undeniable fabulosity." Now, I have to get back to my macrame.

Here's the thing--or rather, it's one or the other of the following things: I'm not sure if releasing Grimace into the wild counts as environmental polution or cruelty to dumb animals, the animals being specifically any other female of his particular species with which he may or may not attempt to mate. But it's one of those.

allie said...

mary, when you said "attempt to mate" i read "attempt to MOUNT" and actually said EW out loud. BWHAAAAA

*L'ola said...

see, we Cancers are born to give love and adoration and make more than reasonable efforts to maintain the level of perfection that we require to keep our heterosexual life partners happy and content and stocked up on chocolate.

just one more reason we are destined to be together. that and i don't mind one bit if you have marathon make out sessions with the boy of your choice, no matter what the nationality is. i'll be in the kitchen making munchies to reinvigorate you both during the downtime. ya gotta come up for air sometime.

i do love me some Leos, and Geminis don't suck either.

christ*el #3tx said...

can a sagittarian get in on this?

here are my good traits:
Optimistic and freedom-loving
Jovial and good-humored
Honest and straightforward
Intellectual and philosophical


and here are my bad traits:
Blindly optimistic and careless
Irresponsible and superficial
Tactless and restless

and i dont macrame. but i AM a knitter. ask allie. too bad i didnt learn sooner, i could have made you a gag for grimace.

Tasty said...

Christel, Saggitarians are supposed to be a Leo's perfect love match. I don't doubt this! :)

Smashlee said...

I like your friend, Leos are very strong, pround, and loyal and have a magnificent "air" about them that commands attention and respect. When you don't get that you aren't happy.

Do what makes you happy and have no regrets about it. Doing that for yourself makes you very, VERY powerful.
:) And makes us glad that you are happy. Win/Win situation.

christ*el #3tx said...

is that why my life is FILLED with leos?

aunt, sister, co-worker, 2 gay boyfriends, 3 friends...

shall i go on?

i just dont have what it takes to be around a leo 24/7. i cant revolve that much. it makes me dizzy.

HisRoyalTness said...

If I commented on all that I wanted to comment on, I'd end up completely hijacking your blog. But suffice it to say, that while I tend to eschew astrology, I have to admit that there were a few things about Aquarians that seemed vaguely similar to certain aspects of my personality.

But it's not like I'm going to go out and write a book about it...

...then again maybe that's not such a bad idea.

Oh and after reading #558 I'm sorry darlin but I'm taken, at least two times over.

no hatin'

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