Chinese Proverb

You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow

from flying over your head,

but you can prevent them

from building nests in your hair.

A few words about American Idol.

I'm with Christelicious. I heart Taylor Hicks, too. He is so verah talented and passionate! (The very same characteristics I find so attractive in my veryownpersonal loved ones, even.)

The Fig lurves Paris Bennett -- I still haven't seen her perform. But she loves her princess crown and Sponge Bob and sings Billie Holiday, so she can't be all bad, right?

Mandisa has the smile of Helen. Damn, girl could launch a thousand ships. Haven't heard her sing, either! But I hear the following things: She has the voice of a goddess, and her ass is big. How dare she! I mean, how DARE a contestant look like the general populace (except also have a gorgeous complexion, beautiful hair, and the aforementioned smile.)

Simon, you're a funny little man, aren't you? Be careful, I hear fat is contageous. And is a clear indication that you're less talented than the thin, and the British.

And, finally, I can't believe I'm watching the damn thing. GAH!

Happy Weekend!

Too Good to Keep to Myself

I work in a big-ass company where we're fancy and have an electronic bulletin board for selling stuff to other employees. Sometimes, when I'm feeling cashless, I sell my excess goodies or post my ad for housecleaning. Today, there were some gems, including an ad for a guard Llama. (No, no, really. I mean it.) However, the following ad was just too good to keep to myself. Thus, I share it with you.

Names have been hidden to protect the hilariously deluded. Please note the item description which I have highlighted with a red outline.


"Single seater sofas?" you ask? That's what I asked. As it turns out...



...THEY'RE CHAIRS!

Valentine

To the following people, will you please be my Valentine?

Allie

Beth

Tina

Terri

Lola

Christel

M*ary'

Mary

Fig

Dadness

The Mom

Jacob

Chloe

Jude

Simon

and last, but not least,

Todd.

I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

I still think this Valentine's Day thing is kind of a crappy idea, but I didn't want that to keep me from telling you how much I adore you.

Fine. Now I "Must. Copy. Mike."

Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot.

1. Marginal Utility
2. Sara with No H
3. Just Thoughts
4. I Am Prepared to Give Up at Any Time
5. So Much Myself (co-starring the bandwagon.)
   

Next, select five people to tag.

1. Bitchcakes
2. Pears
3. Teena Weena
4. Christel
5. Dadness
   

What were you doing 10 years ago? Let's see, in February 1996, I was living in a van down by the river. Well, okay, a trailer down by the river. A trailer with holes in the floor. In Sevierville, Tennessee. Gah. Thank God that's over.

What were you doing 1 year ago? These are just the sorts of questions I shouldn't answer in public. I was dating a boy so young the Numbers called him "The Fetus." That was short-lived, but terribly fun. Shortly thereafter I met That Todd, which is turning out to be long-lived and WAY more fun (and delightful, and comforting, and kind, and adventurous, all the other stuff I've always hoped for.) Last year at this time was the Numbers Summit!!!!!!! Let's do that again. Tomorrow.

February 2005: Had just started a new job, which turns out was not a very good match. So, I'm leaving the job for something more suited to my abilities. For example, anything not involving computer security systems. Here's to the ultimate luxury: choice.

Five snacks you enjoy:

1. Popcorn and cheddar cheese.
2. Cheese.
3. Poutine!
4. Those nasty oatmeal cream cakes that will probably end up dropping me off in my early grave.
5. Crusty sourdough with real butter.

Five songs you know all the words to:

1. My Girl Wants to Party All The Time, Eddie Murphy
2. Sweet Melissa, Allman Brothers
3. Bamboleo, Gipsy Kings
4. I Can't Make You Love Me, Bonnie Raitt
5. Back Home Again, John Denver

Okay, I was just kidding about My Girl Wants to Party All The Time, but I was serious about the rest of them. I have no specific genre that is my favorite, and I feel free to like GREAT rock and roll, and sappy folk music alike.

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

1. Quit my day job.
2. Buy my brother's house and remodel said house.
3. Invest in a catering company.
4. Buy plane tickets for all the Numbers to Hawaii for a month of vacation.
5. Be debtless.
   

Five bad habits:

1. Making fun of people who badly misuse English.
2. Especially preachers.
3. Overeating.
4. Oversleeping (though, this is mostly purposeful.)
5. Procrastinating.

Five things you enjoy doing:

1. Scrabble.
2. Napping.
3. Buying shoes.
4. Reading.
5. Getting a tan.

Not a sport in the damn bunch, is there.

Five things you would never wear again:

1. Blue eyeliner.
2. Deck shoes.
3. Zip-up moccasins.
4. Long hair.
5. Lee Press-On Nails.
   

Five favorite toys(/games):

1. Scrabble.
2. Crosswords.
3. My car.
4. My cellphone with picture messaging.
5. The silver bullet.
   

Yes, yes. That was horrible.

Must. Copy. Dooce.

Four jobs I’ve had

1. Candy counter sales girl at the movie theater inside Lafayette Square Mall. I think I had this job for 6 weeks before beginning to suffer a nervous episode due to the fact that I had to add and make change without the assistance of a calculator. And while I continue to be just a skosh math-phobic, I certainly have relinquished the majority of my propensity for performance-pressure-induced nervous breakdowns.
2. Sales person at Lane Giant (Lane Bryant.) This was a mostly great job with lots of great customers and colleagues. Only one crazy boss who sincerely asked if I was kissing her ass. “Not for $3.90 an hour I’m not.”
3. Cashier at Walgreens. Even though my practice husband and I could not survive on the income, it was a fun job. GREAT colleagues and many good customers. (Save the ancient screaming crazy man who once shouted, “Get it through your head! These cigarettes are only $1.50! Why don’t you get that you stupid girl?” It was monumentally difficult not to come over the counter and explain, while choking him, that I was a degreed genius.)
4. The one I’m leaving! Not to be a freelance writer or anything, just to get a new job within my current company.

Four movies I can watch over and over

1. The Princess Bride
2. Monty Python and The Holy Grail
3. Amelie
4. Back to the Future

It’s not *that* weird a list, is it?

Four places I have lived

1. Born in Patuxent River, Maryland
2. Learned to love bluegrass in Nashville, Tennessee
3. Remained perpetually tan in Ewa Beach, Hawaii
4. Learned a schload of stuff in West Lafayette, Indiana
   

Four TV shows I love

1. Every single decorating show, ever. Especially “on the cheap” ones.
2. Good Eats
3. Miami Ink
4. Good night nurse! I’m actually going to admit this one: What Not to Wear. GAH!
   

Four places I’ve vacationed

1. Dublin, Ireland
2. The Villages, Florida
3. Maui, Hawaii
4. The Middle of Nowhere, West ByGod Virginia
   

Four of my favorite dishes

1. Mushroom lasagna
2. Sopresatta sandwich
3. Chicken tikka masala
4. Christmas enchiladas
   

Four sites I visit daily

1. Finslippy
2. Zeldafitz
3. Dooce
4. My yahoo mail
   

The first three of which I detest. Normal women “hate” other women because they are slender and gorgeous. I hate women who are brilliant, funnier, and better writers than I.

Four places I would rather be right now

1. Maui.
2. Europe.
3. South America.
4. Algonquin, Illinois.