Monday, June 6

That Guy

One of the useful phrases Allie has brought to my life is "That Guy." As in, I tell her a story where either I or someone else has been silly or stupid or brilliant or hurt or funny or drunk, and she replies, "I've been That Guy." And I say, "Oh, me too, sister." Or we have a variation on the discussion where we're actively avoiding something unwise or immature or not-in-our-best-interest, and she says, "Let's not be That Guy."

I recently decided to admit I'm That Guy. And I'm going confess in which arena.

I'm That Guy who really is sick and damn tired of commercial country music. It is so often schmaltz on a freakin' cracker. Unless the artist has a unique style or stellar talent, it frequently ends up being a song like "From my Front Porch Looking In." Sure, it's sweet. Saccharine. Catchy and happy, and totally unrealistic. (If you don't know the tune: A man is singing about the view from his porch is so much better looking in the house than away from it. 'Cause his kids and his bride are in there.)

I'm That Guy who avoids the sappy romance movie. Oh my damn, how often can one watch the overly-bleached, overly-muscled in some completely contrived situation where the woman is being adored, admired, and respected by the man of her dreams who also happens to be a hot Latin guy? Puh-leeze. I have a better idea, let's go back to the TV show Thirtysomething where at least you knew you weren't alone when, while providing superb physical pleasure to your idiot husband, he complains because your legs aren't shaved. (True story, people.)

I'm That Guy who wouldn't pick up a romance novel if I wrote it and you paid me a grand a page to read the damn thing. Romance novels are WAY worse than country music and sappy movies combined. At least there's the potential for actual art to appear in those mediums -- an occasional great scene or maybe a really inspired chorus, but romance novels? Never. I was That Guy in high school, too. When I tried to read those little romances geared toward teenage girls, I'd get about 30 pages in, then wing the book full force at my closet door.

Now, here's the part I'm confessing:

I'm That Guy partly because I still have a little Pocket of Hope* that maybe I'll get the BIG LOVE. Maybe I'll still have a chance for real Romance -- please note the capital "R." I'm not talking romance as in the drippy stuff, but Romance as in the literature, poetry, cinema, thinking, reading, writing, connected-at-the-mind-and-voice thing that I'd love to have. The kind where you're truly friends at the soul. I'm outrageously blessed to have this with more than one person in my life! I confess that I still desire the BIG LOVE from and for a man. (One who doesn't happen to be gay.)

The sappy-esque input makes the "you're missing the BIG LOVE" card park itself directly in front of my face. So, the truth is, I'm That Guy who is playing a little mind game with herself. I'm avoiding the sap to keep the "you're missing the BIG LOVE" card off to the side and not so much directly in my line of sight. I'm not ashamed of my little misdirection game -- this little essay is my confession to myself and to my Numbers and Friends of my strategy, and an assurance to myself that I'm being honest.

A couple of things I'd like to mention at this time:

  1. I'm still incredibly thankful for all of the things in my life. Including the heartbreak I've experienced in the last 10 years. It all made me a much more complete and joyful person.
  2. I'm still committed to truth and to not pretending with any of my friends.
  3. I'm NOT looking for perfection. Never have.
  4. There is all kinds of hope. For all kinds of things.
  5. I both adore and detest the total uncertainty of EVERYTHING.
  6. PMS sucks ass. This is such a two-Prozac day.

* Pocket of Hope, as opposed to my Backpack of Fear. That's another essay.


Little Pink Purses said...

i love you so much pretty baby . . . you are my sunshine

devilboss said...

I hope you get everything that you deserve in life and that's a whole hell of a lot sister. You are amazing and wonderful and I love you and miss you daily.

christ*el #3tx said...

I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they’re true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there’s now one there will be two...
And I wish her insight to battle love’s blindness
Strength from the milk of human kindness
A safe place for all the pieces that scattered
Learn to pretend there’s more than love that matters

Tasty said...

Christel made me cry. I love you, face.

*L'ola said...

you are the human embodiment of BIG LOVE. it'll come, i have no doubt about that. and when it does, because of who you are, you will create a whole universe of BIG LOVE in the someone who will be your "The Guy", not "That Guy". as long as there is hope, the hope will eventually come to fruition.

until then you continue to be my grown up role model and show me the way to the "real". just knowing you has shown me the definition of the word joy. i will always consider myself one lucky bastard to have the opportunity to love you daily. because i SO do.

Anonymous said...

Baby, if you got everything that you sooo deserve.....where would we put it? hee hee
Seriously, I know with everything I am that the Big Big Love is coming for you and when it does - it will be magical. Love you, face.

NTBoi77 said...

The BIG LOVE will bring you the Big Love, I have no doubt! Romance is two people coaxing a blossom out of each other ... and you excell at that!

Love you!

mateo said...

you do realize, don't you, that these are not only essays but great "reflection/message/sermon" ideas for the future??


Tasty said...

I'm so so so blessed to have you all. Thank you.

Matt, even the "sucks ass" part, because I'm not preaching unless I can say "sucks ass" from the pulpit.

Anonymous said...

well of course you're gonna say 'sucks a**' from the pulpit....sometimes that's the only phrase that's appropriate

xoxox, t

Smashlee said...

The universe just hasn't found someone worthy of you yet. Your beautiful soul and exquisite mind deserve someone that can reciprocate and you are just so fabulous that it has to dig a little deeper to find that One for you.
It will come.

NTboi77 said...

Someitmes it seems that the mean, nasty people get all the breaks in this world.

Too many people think that they have to turn to bitchery to get what they want. You've never used life as an excuse to do that!

Tasty said...

Thank you, darlin'. Though, my name is Stacey Leigh Erickson Miller Erickson Cordle Erickson. Which is nice.

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