Wednesday, October 3

At the behest of Christel.

Once upon a lovely time, Lola and I drove down to Dande’s house in West Virginia, -- where Christel had already arrived -- for a visit. I must confess that I was one wornthehellout girl when we arrived because, Lola? Fucking hilarious. She made me laugh about every 45 seconds the entire way from Louisville to BFE.

When we arrived, we piled out of the car with all our worldly goods, and into Dande’s dining room, where we commenced the tequila shots. (If you know me in person, you know that practically everything makes me hot: too many layers of clothes, the room being three degrees warmer than I prefer, pantyhose, summer, etc. Christel always says I should come visit her in Texas, but she’s afraid that unless I sleep in a chest freezer I’ll spontaneously combust. She’s probably right. I digress.) So, of course, I announced to the room that “tequila makes me hot!” Dande parried with “tequila makes me naked!” She totally won, yes?

Our darlin' Dande, who is also Holly Homemaker on Crack, made the most delicious foods for our collective consumption, including Heavenly Hummus (I just named it that), and various baked products which were all good enough to transport us from her darlin' house in the holler directly to paradise. We ate and ate. And, in order to combat our heartbreak over the fact that Allie wasn't able to join us for this visit, Dande, her fab hubby, Christel, Lola, and I drank to excess. Oh man, did we ever. I don't remember many of the hilarious things that were said and done that evening, but I certainly do recall that I stupidly and happily consumed no fewer than three shots of tequila, something like four margaritas (two shots tequila each AND triple sec), and, just for good measure, two beers. (Two beers?)

Let's just say that the next morning I only survived because Dande's dude made me lots of fried foods. I swore off drinking for.ever. Because, to quote Christel -- who was 100% correct -- I was s. t. rugglin'.

We did all manner of silly girl things that day, including shopping at the town's major retailer, The Dollar General. Mostly, I spent lots of time lying on the blow up mattress in the living room. Naturally, later that night, we went to Redneck Karaoke (Dande named it that.) Further, I drank about seven beers. (Seven?!)

In any case, we piled home after singing Earl Had to Die at the top of our lungs in a group, of course, and ate more ridiculous greasy things. Not the least of which was the delicious snack I made up because I am a dork: squirt cheese on Lay's potato chips. Yum.

I miss you girls. All y'all.

I realized after I was nearly asleep that I left out an important part of this story! The best part of Lays and squirt cheese is that I was sitting right by Christel, in the same damn chair, and we were giggling and snorting with glee!!!!!!!!


christelpistol said...

reading that made me smile from the inside out.

OMG i miss you bishes. come here now.

The Diva said...

I am and always have been a fan of Cheese in a Can.

Mary Nichols said...

If y'all come to my house again, I promise even more Redneck delights and cheese in a can.

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